12-01-2019 02:00 AM
Learning to accept this horrible thing is a nightmare. As bad as living with it. It means that I'm never going to be level. I can't hold down work very long (to date).
Right now my life feels pointless. I've been living in social housing for 12 months and still haven't settled enough to feel brace enough to handle managing relationships in a working environment.
Im not suicidal, but I'm not going to lie, I've been wondering if this is the only solution available to me if I can't find some stability eventually... I'm 35 for Pete's sake.
I'm not a drug taker anymore, illicit or otherwise. The chemicals in my head give me more than enough "entertainment".
Sorry for the rant, just feeling really helpless and to be honest, hopeless. This will pass. It is the beauty of bipolar. Nothing can be relied upon.
That is except for a government who won't accept that I'm incapacitated enough to need the dsp (which I'm ashamed of believe me) and would much rather I live in abject (1st world) poverty for the rest of my life with constant threat at the hand of job networks suspending my payment because they aren't qualified enough or just don't care or even worse than that, are malicious and want to harm the vunerable.
It's disgusting really. I feel utterly helpless.
Anyone been through something similar? Where did you get your light from? Thanks in advance ✌
12-01-2019 06:07 AM
@Upndownnupndown Hi Upndownupndown and welcome to the forums . I was originally diagnosed with Bipolar1 now Schizoaffective disorder. Are you on medications? If so for how long? I have found that the meds took awhile to settle me down (like months....) but when they did I felt alot better. Not perfect (to be honest I dont like taking them for reasons like weight gain etc) or like I was in the past but better than being out of my mind.
I am sorry that you were knocked back for the dsp. Can you try again? Personally I don't understand how Centrelink figure all that out ....
You asked where do I get the light from? That would be my family and my mental health team who are doing so much for me and my friends on Sane. I couldn't do it alone.
I hope this helps. Also if you want to talk with someone imparticular put a @ in front of their name like I have with yours then they will be notified.
Take care Upndownnupndown greenpea.
12-01-2019 10:29 AM
@greenpea I'm not on any medication. I've taken medication many times in the past (for example to come down from bad hypomania) but it's always had more of a detrimental effect on my mental health in other ways if I stay on it as well as physically ie weight gain being the main one. Meds just don't work for me unfortunately.
I haven't been knocked back for it, I haven't even gone for it yet because I know I've got next to no chance of getting it.
I see a clinical psychologist at this time. Ive only been seeing him for about 6 or 7 months so it isn't long enough to use him as a reference in the application process and have his opinion carry as much weight as say a 1.5 yr duration of appointments.
I was seeing someone for a year before him but he took another job and could see me any more.
This has just gone on for what feels like forever and the government is hell bent on not acceptong/supporting the people that SHOULD be on a DSP. We've all heard the news reports or read the newspapers... "woman with brain tumour denied disability support pension". This person had to appeal a terminal brain tumour not being a good enough reason. It disgusts me. I can believe that our government has become so heartless.
I don't chose to be unemployed, it's hell not being level enough to manage relationshops in a work environment. A MASSIVE part of this it the stigma associated with mental health issues; and the lack of compassion by narsasistic co workers or even worse, management!
P.s thank you for replying.
12-01-2019 07:26 PM
@Upndownnupndown I can hear the frustration in your voice. I too put on heaps of weight since I have been on this wretched medication. I hate it but am trying to get over it by eating healthy (loads of organic food), not drinking anything but black coffee and water and doing gentle exercise (yoga and qi gong plus walking). Boring!!
As for working I can barely read a full book let alone work at a skilled profession (I have a university degree).
I really do feel for you Upndownnupndown I wish I had an answer but unfortunately I am right out of them .... I just keep plugging along and try my hardest. greenpea xx
15-01-2019 12:09 AM
@greenpea thank you for your reply and apologies for the late reply.
I agree re barely being able to read a book let alone working in a profession. Congratulations for completing a degree! I'm not even looking that far ahead atm but I'm booked into a foundation studies course this year and a goal of mine is just to finish it within 2 years. Maybe less not sure yet.
Another goal is to start working some casual hours soon. As per your comment re yoga, I'm about to start doing some Thai Chi classes which should help me to start to get a handle on my mood swings I hope. Sorry if I've already mentioned this.
Eating organic foods and cutting out sugar is a great move. Ive had some issues with mood fluctuation after changing my diet but I'm determined to cut out simple carbs. I don't eat sugar processed sugar and little fruit or have any sugar in my coffee. Sugar is the enemy ahaha.
Maybe medication may have to be considered again. Not sure on this as I hate all meds that I've tried to treat it. I will talk to my clinical psychogist about this if it is in fact bipolar if the diagnostic manual questions draw this out during the testing.
P.s I hear you re not having answers for my quandaries. Just having some people reply has helped me to feel a bit better. There are people who understand what the issues that I've mentioned as like to deal with.
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