Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[soul]

Oh no @Determined. Just when things were seemingly coming together. Could you try to get that extension on her stay especially with that upcoming exam?  Seems like you have been more than accommodating to her needs and wants. You've put in the hard yards not to mention the kms driving. 

If she does come tomorrow, does that mean you will get the opportunity to have that meeting where you all talk about the boundaries?

[Determined]

As long as she is intent on coming home @soul there is nothing I can do to keep her there as the pdoc believes she is well enough to come home. (I would say her attitude tonight indicates otherwise)

I will just be relying on mums and leaving them to it and hiding at the uni until after exams are over. As long as one of the mums are around the children will be ok, if I think she is not safe I will simply call an ambulance. 

No meeting about boundaries... all too hard. I explained them to her before I left, she was not happy but too bad. I will reinforce it after we are home. The attitude tonight makes it so much easier.  The way she spoke about me to the doctor tonight they probably all think I am a control freak anyway  so why bother. 

There is no plan for if things go badly for us. (Other than my plan to take her to the ed or call an ambulance) pdoc dosent see it as necessary. 

[Determined]

Pdoc was happy to keep her there @soul but only if she agreed.

She is just all tied up in knots about what sort of pigsty I have left the house in. Says she misses us all but actions show she is only worried about the stupid house. 

[soul]

Don't know @Determined - but her concern about the house - is that her way of justifying going back home at this time? When she was there, did she manage the household to the standard that she expects you to have been doing?

[Determined]

[soul]

Haven't seen your picture yet @Determined - it's either expressing your frustration or coming to terms with the situation ......... 👍🏼👎🏼

[Determined]

Not sure w to gauge that one @soul 

Certinally does a better job than me though even when she is unwell. I appreciate all her efforts around the house keeping everything in order. It is  quite obvious how much she does when she is away.  

I do my best though and she just needs to accept that. 

[soul]

You are entitled to have your needs met and completing this university course is one of them. I know you have struggled to work at it because of all the things that have been happening lately and in the past. Time to put those needs first and get that exam out of the way to the best of your ability. 

If it means enlisting help, do so @Determined

[soul]

I think if she is critical of your attempts, you need to not take it to heart @Determined. Stay calm, praise her for her ability to maintain a pleasant home, remind her gently that you have been juggling a lot of responsibilities and in addition to being time poor, you have been very tired. Tell her you have done the best you could under those circumstances. 

[soul]

Have seen the picture now @Determined. Really good advice. Rant all you like here. This is a supportive place. Let loose. Then return to a calmer place when dealing with those problems.