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Looking after ourselves

Re: Diary of wifes hospital stay - holding it together for our family

I am really looking forward to having my darling at home, just disappointed at how the discussion went tonight. Could have been so much easier for both of us is all. 

 

Re: Diary of wifes hospital stay - holding it together for our family

I'm sure you are very much wanting to be a functional loving family again. You also want the best outcome after your Darling and you have undergone this ordeal. I remember you saying that there was another time when she had come home too early @Determined. The last thing you want is to be doing this all over again in the foreseeable future.

It seemed as if despite a few setbacks, doubts and frustrations along the way, the outcome was looking really good. This latest spanner would obviously be weighing on your mind. With her impending return home in her current state of mind, it would be causing you considerable stress. This is the last thing you want to have or want to convey to her and the kids.

Hope she has a good rest and a calmer outlook tomorrow.

Re: Diary of wifes hospital stay - holding it together for our family

Well so far so good ☺
After last nights tantrum I got a text at 7 am this morning from my darling saying she was packed and ready to come home.
It was closer to 12pm before I made it to the Hospital but it was a warm and happy welcome.
When we got home around 2pm I could tell she was not pleased but she held it together and just fixed what she was not happy with. Even took a break to come on the school run with me. That was a surprise.
Really hoping we can continue with the self control and that the coming weeks will go well for us.
The children are all extatic to have her home with us. That is a joy to see.
Bub is so excited he has refused his daytime sleep. Should sleep well tonight now, he's pretty wasted right now but still happy and constantly chatting.
It is a big relief as the homecoming so far has gone much better than expected.

Re: Diary of wifes hospital stay - holding it together for our family

 @Determined Thinking of you Bro

Re: Diary of wifes hospital stay - holding it together for our family

Me too .... ❣️

Re: Diary of wifes hospital stay - holding it together for our family

Me three 👍🏼

Re: Diary of wifes hospital stay - holding it together for our family

@Faith-and-Hope

Thought I would answer  here rather than the have a laugh thread.

My wifes primary diagnosis is Borderline Personality Disorder with major depression.

 She was initially diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder ~a  year after we were married. Started getting therapy after our first baby came along. (We had beed married 5.5 years) Midwives got all excited over what I tought was normal behavior  (for my darling). She was diagnosed at that point with post natal depression. While having a baby definatly made things worse I still dont think it was pnd. I think the stress of having a baby just uncovered a bigger problem.

I dont actually know when the bpd diagnosis happened?  Around 5 years ago I think. Despite being the one trying to hold things together I have always been on a need to know basis. 

 

Re: Diary of wifes hospital stay - holding it together for our family

I understand the whole doctor patient confidentiality thing @Determined, but considering that family support is so crucial to the management and recovery of someone with MI, for you not to be be consulted and informed seems to be quite counterintuitive. 

Re: Diary of wifes hospital stay - holding it together for our family

Wow, that's tough @Determined.  I am gauging there is an ocd component to BPD then, if your darling has such a high focus on order and things being approached so exactly (washing, ironing, housekeeping in general) .... along with her intensive bike riding.

I had three babies under 2yo at one stage, which grew to 5 under 10yo, so I had to keep fairly strong household systems to be able to manage, but it was a preference rather than a drive, and I could manage if my systems were not followed to the letter, but it sounds like your darling really struggles with this, which would make going to hospital a nightmare for her too, not being able to control what is happening at home .....

I have always either hung socks out in pairs, side by side, or left them till last to remove from the line so, with only the socks still hung, it's easy to see the pairs.

I placed a table in the middle of my laundry (can be a card-table that folds away, and would fold things into into individual family-member piles as I gp brought them in from the line.  It reduced the amount of creasing, and saved handling it all twice.  I would turn the iron on before I started bringing the washing in, and pass the iron over whatever needed it, and straight onto a hanger and a little over-the-door rack, rather than creating an ironing pile, which creases the clothes more.

When the kids went to bed, I would place their clothes in a basket just outside their door, and when I went in to wake them in the morning, I would raise their blind, rub their head and kiss them, then chat to them as I buzzed around their room putting their clothes away while they were still waking up properly.  Once they were older, the expectation was that they would put their own clothes away, before or after school, or before bed, whatever suited them, and the basket kept it all presentable, and un-mussed, even if the choice to put them away was late in the day.

Older still, it became their responsibility to retrieve their own baskets from the laundry and return them empty.  Sounds easy, but teens tend to procrastinate and be oppositional ..... takin get only the clothes they want from the baskets and leaving the rest there, scrambled.  "Teen wars" are another story .... lol ... and you will get there soon enough .... ❣️  I dubbed them "dragon babies" at that stage.

Now with this ocd and ocpd diagnosis happening, it is much clearer to me why my lot were oppositional and defiant about a lot of things, usually in a passive-resistant way rather than passive-aggressive.

Re: Diary of wifes hospital stay - holding it together for our family

OCD is very much a part of our life @Faith-and-Hope, there is never any balance. All or nothing... Other than cleaning the bike riding is a perfect example. Over 7000 km last year in 10 months, rain hail or shine she was out there. This year she has been too depressed to do anything  including cleaning (probably  300km if that on the bike) but is already planning to be back on her bike then it will be back to last years madness with little regard for how it affects the rest of the family.  She was planning some big rides this week in the middle of my exams. I was unpopular when i sugested she could look after the children as I had work to do. Will be pestering her mum this afternoon no doubt for child minding.

With the cleaning i have seen her frantically packing up bubs toys while he is still playing with them. Drives him to distraction. When I cook she regularly washes stuff and puts it away while i am still using it.  (Ot trying to). Even packs food away that is waiting to go in the pan. Then when dinner is served will insist on cleaning up the kitchen before sitting down to eat so dinner goes cold while we wait. Dare I say anything i am angry and unreasonable. 

 

 

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