Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Determined]

That sounds like a good idea @Former-Member

My fear is always that I will say the wrong thing or the right thing the wrong way, thats why so many things are left unsaid. New start though, trying to improve my attitude from resentment to grateful and positive and say what needs to be said as lovingly  as I can. 

[Determined]

Just finished a phone discussion with MIL along the same lines.

I am fortnate to have the support of my inlaws. 

[Former-Member]

I always precede any talk with the pdoc by acknowledging it is and always has been Mr Darcy's well being that is my primary concern @Determined. I have always let the docs know if I am upset I will come across as being confrontational and there is nothing personal in it, that I do not realise myself that my time has changed but I am told it does. I always try and acknowledge something good they have done. I thank them for meeting me, for their time and that I value and listen to what they tell me.

"I do not understand why ..." is s good phrase but I am blunt when it comes to asking questions and they know they cannot feed me BS as I will look things up and ask.


Hope this helps.

Darcy

[Determined]

Something positive:

I just spoke to my darling on the phone to tell her I would not be down for a visit tonight or tomorrow as I need to get this uni assignment finished. While dissapointed she accepted it much better than I expected 🙂 

When discussing her homecoming I said that I wanted a meeting withe her and a nurse or the doctor before she came home to discuss supports, emergency plans etc, and pointed out that I was upset that it did not happen last time and I felt inadequate to be able to support her without this. She actually agreed and promised to request a time for Thursday. This is a positive as previously she would have rejected the suggestion that she even needed my help.  Perhaps my open reluctance to bring her home before time has made a difference? I don't know.  Trusting the hospital will be supportive of this request and process, if not I will be asking why not this time around rather than simply accepting the situation.

Have backup in place for when she comes home, someone outside of family to come visit and ensure she is safe if I need to get away to calm down and regroup at any time. (Includes late at night). even the knowledge that this support is in place brings some relief to the anxiety around how I will manage.

Looking forward to better days ahead. 🙂

Thankful, Grateful, Blessed - My new mantra.    

[Former-Member]

Great news @Determined, really pleased to hear you have some back up support available.

[Determined]

More positive news,

I was able to have another discussion with my darling around my specific concerns around her homecoming. She has agreed to ask the dr if he believes it would benifit her stay longer rather than 'pressure him' (her words not mine)  to let her go home early. 

I was able to put my specific concerns and reasoning in an email and send it to her so she can show it to her nurse and dr when she sees him next for their feedback with a request to call me and discuss and clarify my concerns  if necessary. 

This is a really positive development, for which I am most grateful. Having my concerns and feelings recognised and considered is a big step forward. (And I have to add that perhaps things have improved more for my darling than I thought). 

Thankful, Grateful, Blessed - My new mantra.   

[soul]

Have just caught up on your news @Determined. Love the new profile pic and am so glad things are looking brighter for you.

[Determined]

Well that went well....

Yesterday I thought my darling was actually considerate of my concerns. This afternoon when I arrived she was anything but considerate, all she can see is that she wants to be at home and stuff what anyone else thinks. 

Pdoc was happy to approve additional days to get us past the weekend and me past my exam next Tuesday but she refused so is coming home tomorrow. 

[Determined]

Here is my travel for the last 3 weeks and apparently all I care about is my stupid university!  Never mind I blew off 3 weeks of lectures and only half completed an assignment because I was trying to be there for her... 

[Determined]

Have told her I will be at uni every day for the next 2 weeks and she will have to look after the children seems she will be home. No doubt she will just dump them with one of the mums but that is ok, I just need to focus on exam prep. Dont have the energy to deal with anything else at the moment. The perception is that is all I care about anyway so l may as well just do what I need to do....

If I just leave her to it she may get the message. 

Rant over, only focusing on the positives from now on. 

I am actually looking forward to our family being back together again.