How to cope when triggered by others on the forums.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Oh, and ...

5.   Using the “Like” button is a good way of acknowledging that you hear someone ... but if their post is sad, or stressed, or terrible news, please post a line or two to say that you Like was intended as “I hear you” .... it’s the empathy that speaks more than anything else and it’s what we all need.

[Former-Member]

I agree that there are definite cliques on this forum and i have seen the forums evolve from what started out more as a place where people discussed mental health challenges and topics as subjects of themselves but with empathetic support of the original posters to a gradual change to being more a social networking space. I dont know that it is wrong, and is probably just how these things work. Threads weren't long in those earlier days, maybe only 10/20 replies at a time, and were very topic centred with people with experience of those topics seeming to feel freer and more able to jump in at any time. Now that most threads are more about individual life histories and daily support rather than mental health support it is harder (from my perspective) to just add to the 'conversation' (because they are more an ongoing conversation than a discussion on a specific topic) and butting into a conversation feels like intruding (to me). The forums have evolved I guess, and i cant really judge whether its good/bad and its not necessarily either... For me, because of time restraints and difficulty managing to keep up, feeling as though i just dont belong the forums are becoming an increasingly difficult place to be.

[Former-Member]

"Ditto" @Former-Member. You make very good points - I made the same observations over time re the cliques and how it use to be much easier to jump into threads in the earlier days for the reasons you stated, without feeling intrusive, disruptive or not belonging to the group/forum - and agree it made it much more inclusive for members. Would like to these type of threads come back more.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Probably what you are describing now is more the social threads @Former-Member @Former-Member ...... if the thread contributers on the threads being referred to as cliquey become self-conscious and stop posting, or stop posting regularly, it will make the forums a quieter place in general I think ..... making it just as likely that posts won’t be responded to because people will become less present.

Again, this is just my observation, but it appears to be that many of the forumites who stick closely to one or two threads are those who battle with PTSD, and we seem to have attracted a reasonably large number in that sub-group, indicating a feeling of acceptance and comfort in their circumstances. It seems to be similar with bipolar-challenged people, and that must be a good thing ..... particularly if they are not readily supported by the wider public.

I know a lot of those contending with eating disordered behaviour have it as a co-existing issue with other things .... and when I first arrived here seeking support for my husband’s eating disordered issues, I did not receive a lot of response other than from a partner support service that is specific to eating disorders. There is not the same “gathering of a clan” in this direction, and often, after stating the problem, if they are not seeking more information than they already have, or someone to walk along with them, they don’t stay here, because the issue can’t be addressed without radical intervention and support in most cases, and then, as will illnesses such as cancer, the family is so steeped in hospital and specialist visits that there seems to be little time or energy left for forum contribution.

What kept me here was feeling that this is a community where mental health issues are understood, and sufferers and their support people are treating with understanding and respect.

It was clear to me at the time that some people had been here, together, longer Han I had, and then it became clear that some had known each other through another forum which closed down, and a group of former users of that site had found each other here.

I really don’t know what the answer is ..... other than perhaps to go back to the Home page and look at the discussion topics again, seeing whether some of the threads need to be moved around to come under the Our Stories topic, or Something’s Not Right or Looking After Ourselves, or alternatively relocated from those discussion topics to under the Social Spaces heading, if they are more social in nature.

Continuing the dialogue might help us to work it out and find some resolution.

[Former-Member]

We are not referring to the social threads @Faith-and-Hope and not to anything you stated, but to the initial concerns of @Eden1919 and others that raised the concerns of the fact that some people are receiving a lot more support than others on the forums and many are feeling excluded with receiving little response when they reach out where others receive it daily; concerns of @Eden1919 and others that long threads were hard to follow and felt intimidating to become part of due to feeling that they are intruding, interrupting conversations in place or being made to feel they were not welcomed on certain threads that have involved into social cliques. Cliques exclude others. I have personally witnessed this as have many others on here and stated it.

This is making @Eden1919 who posted this thread initially and many others feel alone and not feeling they belong on the forum. This is causing some to leave as they are finding it hard to receive the support here they have been looking for.

So @Eden1919 was asking at ways to address this issue being the topic - looking at ways to include others with a more balanced support network - ways of attracting that to make others feel more included/supported and not alone. This is what @Eden1919 asked for - if there are ways to help address the above.  And when you read back, suggestions have been made already. Another being introducing shorter threads based on allround inclusive mental health topic related subjects/topics/issues as akin to personal histories where social networking is occurring, so many more may feel freer to jump into and take part of where they are not intruding. Suggestions are flowing.. 

@Eden1919 - how do you feel about the suggestions already given to address this issue? Do feel they help you and others which is the aim of the thread? What would you like to see happen? 

[Queenie]

What I find triggering also (sorry thought I'd jump on the bandwagon here), is when someone has reached out for help/advice/support and other members have turned the thread into a conversation amongst themselves, detracting from the original posters request for support. Has happened to me a few times myself.

I hear you @Eden1919! I personally try to read and reply (if I can) to threads with fewer posts. I feel like I am intruding on others if there is already a conversation happening and I come in late. 

Just my opinion. Following this thread with much interest!

[Former-Member]

I agree @Queenie. And it's bringing it back to the original posters concerns....hearing you too @Eden1919

[girl99]

@Eden1919

I agree with what you have written @Eden1919 as I have felt that way too and sometimes felt very left out here on the forums.  I think I often feel left out in real life and I'm quite sensitive, so to be left out on the forum is a double whammy so to speak...

I think a lot of it is about how the forum topics are divided up into categories and what captures attention first when we go into the forum page.

Maybe with older threads that have many responses dating over a long period of time they should be moved to another area, titled 'Older topics' .....or something like that. So they are not the first posts everyone sees

Also, if people notice someone is a new person or someone has posted on a new topic and they have not received a reply or response, please make an effort to respond to them, even if it is just something short. Posts without replies/responses could go under a heading 'Awaiting replies' until they get at least, say 4 responses, then they are moved out of that area. That way people are alerted to this.

Hope my suggestions help a little. Just my 2 cents worth.

[Former-Member]

Good suggestions @girl99 👍

[Former-Member]

Thanks @enigma and @Queenie - yes my original message was replying to @Eden1919 and hearing her. agreeing with what you are both saying.
I hear where your responses are coming from too @Faith-and-Hope but i cant stress how often so many of the difficulties many people face here are as complex as some ED's can be and often with their own difficulties and I believe there are many reasons why ED's arent highly represented on the forums other than intensive treatments (secretiveness etc) i.e. i wouldnt necessarily consider myself more 'ptsd' than 'mdd' or 'bpd' or others...
I used to focus on responding to new threads each day but lately have been feeling more overwhelmed and less able to and i felt a lot of pressure to provide more and more to those threads because of the obvious inequity in the posts that less known/new posters receive - inequity in terms of the number of posts, the style and depth of responses themselves when compared to other sections of the forums. So i hear and feel what @Eden1919 is saying as valid but sad.