Running

[rav3n]

that must've been really tough @avant-garde it's hard when someone's appearance reminds you of someone who caused so much pain, and it sucks even more that your elder wasn't able to support you.

sending you gentle hugs 💙 how are you managing these thoughts/feelings now, are there any strategies that help regulate those intense emotions?

we're here for you. let us know how we can support you 💙

[avant-garde]

Last night was hard...

Talking about last year was hard...

I know my resilience is encouraging but sharing as much as I have in the last 2 days for the sake of someone else...

I need someone to fill my cup now...

[rav3n]

hey @avant-garde it's really great that you've been paying attention to how you've been feeling and your capacity at the moment. sounds like there's some heaviness that needs to be released.

what does getting your cup filled look like? 

[avant-garde]

@rav3n 

Validation

people caring about me

to remind myself of what I went through for the sake of someone else, well it depletes you 

It reminds me of how alone I was and how I felt like I didn't matter to the people around me. 

Filling my cup looks like someone telling me different, because I get stuck and find it difficult to tell myself.

[rav3n]

@avant-garde are you able to reach out to someone this week and maybe invite them for a chat so you can get that cup filled?

myself and the community here cares about you heaps 💙

i hear you about getting stuck and wanting someone else to help with feeling validated. i think you reaching out here is a sign of its own that a part of you believes you are deserving of being heard and that its fighting to remind you, that you always matter. that shows a lot of strength and growth in your journey.

[avant-garde]

@rav3n 

It's not that easy... I try, really I try but people kind of suck at knowing how to care when it comes to me. People in my routines are better at showing an interest but I find more care here than I do in real life. 

Common ground you know?

[rav3n]

@avant-garde for sure, having that common ground definitely makes it easier to connect. i do love the forums community for that reason, it's nice not having to explain myself in detail and have people just 'get it'. 

as for the outside world... it is harder finding those people who know how to listen and validate. wish more people knew the power and importance of showing care through validation. 

also wondering, do you have any professional supports at the moment? 

[avant-garde]

@rav3n 

ish...

I have a mindspot therapist, 20 minutes every 2 weeks... I start with a new more long term therapist on the 7th July

[rav3n]

@avant-garde ohh i see, 20 mins is pretty short but hopefully its been nice to have them while you wait the longer term one?

and how's all your workshops and open house art group going, did you have one this week?

[avant-garde]

@rav3n 

I think you're slightly confused...

The one I start with in just over 2 weeks, she's not one from the 3 waitlists I'm on, she's one I've found because I'm sick of the waitlists. 

This one I've been seeing hasn't really been helpful for the most part. 

Art group was good today, I've started outlining and applying colour to my illustrations which I am enjoying. Cooking and gym next week will be good