I feel like a lot of the battles I'm facing are spiritual at the moment... the enemy attacking the vulnerabilities of my church to bring down the one that challenges them.
I still feel pretty horrid, like caring is too big an expectation for me to have on other people. But I got to harass a government department and actually got something done for a change.
Also got a bunch of laughable present things for my brother's birthday thing in a couple weeks.
hey @avant-garde sorry to hear those thoughts/feelings creeped back in.
i want to remind you: you are always worthy and deserving of being heard - that will never change. i know those thoughts can creep back in here and there, but we're here for you and we'll remind you that we care.
did something happen on Sunday, and is it something you wanna chat about?
i'm around tomorrow morning if you wanna chat more about it @avant-garde or if you wanna post a response tonight, i can read it tomorrow morning too - whatever works for you. i gotta hop off, take care 💙
my first pastor... the cultic one... the early memories flood when I look at him too long... but they flood later anyway... Sundays second service he was talking about the story of Rebekah and Abraham... being chosen to wed... the women had no say... they were given... I was given...
I looked up briefly and he pointed in my direction... it was just a moment... just an emphasis... it threw me... it silenced me...
I had asked my elder for help with this... help me to overcome this... he couldn't tell me he didn't know how... he didn't say anything... he didn't reply... to say nothing says everything...
No one seemed willing to hear me...
So I became silenced... stuck in a world that felt too similar to the one I was raised in... though dreadfully different... the similarities silenced me... still silence me...
