12-11-2019 09:18 PM
Hi @Meowmy , I'm happy someone gives a hoot enough to check in with me, thank you. I'll be ok. November s a difficult month with my departed girls birthday 25th. I go a bit strange at his time... lost. Cancelled my last two therapy sessions. Its batten down the hatches time. Just gotta get through it. Wish I wasn't alone though, but I am. My son still hasn't returned my call Sunday... So be it. I'm done being treated like crap, the crap is on the crappers, I'm not wearing it anymore.
Survived the house inspection today... without the dog rescue... "just thoughts" after all, as you said. Actually, today I had to go on a roadtrip - it was amazing. Accept the wind near blew the van off the road a few times, and the dust... crazy orange. Was out 6hrs... but glad to be home.
I went to an old town where my mums wforfatgers came from. Ive always been drawn to this area. Its unnerving to see places and buildings I've never seen yet remember. Its like I've been there before. An abandoned old church evoked sudden excitment within gasping "it's still here" Quite surreal. And the same when I saw the school "I went here" .Raises so many unanswered questions that I just not quite sure what to do with. Maybe with my mum dying and my siblings rejecting me, maybe I'm just desperate to find some roots, some sense of belonging somewhere, some kind of heritage. I donno. Hurts my brain. It excited me today, and that's energising and life giving and, well, those times are far and few between, real to me. .
At the cemetory, On a headstone of another lost 13yo girl, the closing words from her father to God - "so be it"
It is what it is
What a day 💜😢
12-11-2019 09:52 PM
17-11-2019 03:38 PM
Thanks @Zoe7 , @outlander it's true, I am heart sore, but not scared I'll hurt myself this time, so far. That's a relief. Two weeks to go for my Jo22nd. But proud of myself getting to church Oday. Meeting new ppl. Hate all the questions though... what bought you here? Where were you before? do you have grandchildrengrandchildre? (first time I've been asked that one😮) The answer to all these Q are complicated. Does it really matter?
17-11-2019 04:04 PM - edited 17-11-2019 09:06 PM
Hi @Adge, thought of you this morning while having morning cuppa in the sunshine. I little finch came bouncing around on the grass, so cute, and cute little chirp. Can't find the Bird thread today 🙄 but here you are. Are you ok? And birds?
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