@Rare wrote:
Thank you Dec
For your support and understanding the dissonance
Yes self care you are right. i do find myself wanting permission from others to give myself self care. It is a pity because for sure anyone living with MI and or caring really does need to monitor and allow ourselves care.
This may be another example of me not wanting to adult, i like others to take responsibility and make decisions these days. i do some monitoring though, i no longer drink, it has been over 2 years since i stopped. Alcohol was a strategy i tried after Abbey's death but it failed in the long term.
i am sorry about the torment and death of your son, and hope that your self care during the difficult months is plentiful, cherish yourself.
i do think with dread that winter is coming and my psych reminds me i always have this drop but it takes me by surprise each year. Yes i was her primary carer, in fact Centrelink contacted me a week after her death to say our application for carer payment had finally been approved. Too late.
Hi @Rare
Girls are not often brought up with an idea of their need for self-care, even being an independent adult and I have two friends from Central Europe who consider they were treated like second-class citizens and this is something I find increasingly a puzzle - women are valuble people but little girls are supposed to be "sugar and spice and all things nice" and "boys will be boys" so yes - there are times when we need to seek permission for self-care - and in my increasing years I am getting over that - I have been alone for a long time and I have had to be the adult even in married-life - and there are times when I would love to be waited on - even one of the workers who help me out with my domestic work are so happy to make me a coffee which I can make for myself - but so wonderful when someone else makes it -
And I doubt a man would ever think of this - most men - there are exceptions of course
Winter is a rough time - I need self-care very much and we had a long period of cold, dull and gloomy days in Melbourne - today was wonderful - sunny and warm - and the mood that haunted me for a few days lifted and I know these bad days will happen but as the years pass it is easier and it has been really helpful to be in this Forum - people here are really supportive
And you were your daughter's carer and didn't get the acknowledgement for your Carer's Support until after she died - and this is one of life's frustrating issues - my son died a long time ago - and as he was an adopted child I went to the agency we went through and they were totally not interested in helping out in anyway - I have often thought in more recent years I needed some support like that as I needed to work when I could - and that was difficult - as you know - it would have been great to have not had to worry about how might daughter would have been involved in his behaviour - although he was in Foster Care for some time I still had him around a lot - he was always part of our family though DHS had some of the responsibility
Whenever I communicate with bereaved parents I find the same thing at the core and that is the unswerving sense of despair and loss and of course - the unfairness of all of it - it is something that should never happen but does
There is a Persian saying that sounds like a blessing but is truly a curse - it goes "May you outlive your children" - every bereaved parent knows no one wants to outlive their children
Some people have written some really sensitive and caring things in this thread - I am very glad to see this - our lost children can so often be a taboo subject
But not here - the people here really care about each other
Dec
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