23-05-2018 02:53 PM
I have a question, if you could get rid of your mental illness completely and be totally "normal" would you? I would not. My mental illness helps define my personality, it is part of the truth of my existence. Others might feel differently, how do you guys feel about it?
23-05-2018 08:09 PM
I don't know if anxiety is really mental illness - or maybe it's a matter of degree but for me my anxiety is certainly not serious - I can control it and think of it rather as emotional discomfort - and seeing as I have had this in varying forms for my adult life - it's part of me and I would not change it
My Chronic Pain now - that is different because it can take over my life and I use a lot of different things to cope with it - medication and meditation - and I have had it for over 20 years so it's really hard to remember life without it - and had I thought about it when I first had it I wonder how I would have felt then - now it's part of me - as MI is part of you I guess - I have learned to live with it
In fact many years ago I rang Life Line and it so happened I was speaking to a woman who was a GP and I liked what she told me and remembered it ever since and apply it.
What she said was that if my chronic pain was taken away I might die of culture shock and I think that might be true - and thinking on I could apply that to other things that have happened and are now part of my life, I included many things because we are made up of what has been in our journey - we add it to what we started with - nurture/nature
It is an interesting question - thanks for asking - I will be interested to read what other people have to say
23-05-2018 09:19 PM
23-05-2018 09:34 PM
It is interesting that you put this question forward @Former-Member. Even in my younger years (childhood and teens), I was seen as 'eccentric'. I guess these eccentricities later manifested into a mental illness in adulthood is all and I was slapped with a diagnostic label.
If I could take away the soul-crushing depression, I would in an instant, but it shapes who I am so to do that would, in essence, be losing part of myself, so I don't think I could wish it away either. I've been doing a lot of research into schizy-type people and how we seem to share certain characteristics in childhood (like unusual postures and what parents like to deem over-active imaginations). I had both of these, I used to stand in the corner limbs outstretched behind me bent over talking to imaginary friends. I did this as soon as I could walk and talk (hence my "eccentric" nature). I also used to obsess over the oddest things and treat them like a passion (I still do this today).
I guess to sum up what I am trying to say, even though there are times my mental illness has almost ended my life prematurely, I don't think I'd change it.
23-05-2018 09:37 PM - edited 23-05-2018 09:38 PM
@Former-MemberWhen I had my mental breakdown largely triggered by grief it was agony. Not a place I would want to be in again - so I kept doing my best to dodge the pitfalls now. I had anxiety then that was debilitating and much harder to cope with than the depression - its daily dread lead me to despair. A trip to hell and back.
But I would not have changed that experience as it has made me the person I am today. A more compassionate person whom can relate to those who are in pain. A person who has brought good from that experience as it not only has made me stronger but given me a greater appreciation for the good in life, the love in it and taught me what was really important in life. It made me whole. No longer do I waste my life on what is meaningless - but what is meaningful and my life has much more purpose. It has shown me that miracles can happen as coming back from that darkness was against the odds and I nearly lost the battle a few times. It has shown me the power of hope and that good wins in the end.
I still have pain, have lapses of depression and anxiety, but the inner peace, strength and love I carry inside far outweighs the suffering. It brought out the best in me now - being empathy and forgiveness. Without that experience I would be an empty person chasing the wind. No regrets - it is a part of my existence that brought out the best in me.
24-05-2018 12:35 AM
I don't think your message is a "poor me" - I have memories about my son's death and there are times when I wish they would go away - though over time they are less
But they are part of me and I think of him every day - and why should I not - I think about my living daughter every day -
I also believe though - as hard as it is - our grief honours those who have died
But - I do understand - the good memories are painful and the bad are terrible - I have a lot of that myself
24-05-2018 01:01 AM
24-05-2018 12:35 PM
No one want to be a bereaved parent - it is a bad place to be - and I can assure it gets easier with time - I don't think it will ever go away - it's over 30 years for me now and I am okay most of the time but I have patches and anniversaries are always tough - as are birthdays - other events and then memories than can suddenly hit really hard - I do understand
About being blunt about such things - I rather think it is honest - it's the way it is - what other way can be deal with it - pushing things under the carpet causes elephants in the room.
There are people who understand and there are other people who will never get it - my own family hasn't been helpful - no one wants to be "upset" - such a shallow expressions - who wants to be upset? But what about us - we have lost a huge part of the future - so hard
To me you have said nothing obscene - I think you are expressive in the way to present how people see their bodies and the reality of mental illness - it is dissonance when carry on "normally" when surrounded by our reality -
I had a lot of professional help through life - my son had some kind of MI - he was tormented and I now know he is at peace but I have had a hard time getting to a reasonable place at times - were you the main carer for your daughter - and now is the help you need because of your loss? Even as I ask I know there are many and complex reasons for life and what it does to us.
Flashes of joy are hard to hold on to - it would be your daughter's 21st in a few weeks and her anniversary soon after - is the PTSD? I don't know but one thing I am sure of is that PTSD is something that can cause some kind of clarity - because things flash at us and we either grasp or refuse those moments - but they are impressed into our memories and it takes a lot of time to focus more naturally - or gently - time to get the sharp edges off the truth that is so brutal
I gather you have not had much understanding though this trauma - help varies - my suggestion is to hold onto your right to grieve - to weep - to be honest with yourself about your feelings.
People here have been accepting of my loss and the upcoming anniversary - middle of July - and on a date unknown - the death of one of my first cousins - next week -
I hear you - I understand - another suggestion is not to be hard on yourself - as I go through this rough time I focus on self-care - it's a good thing - we all need to care for ourselves
You are not alone - as I said - no one wants to be a bereaved parent - but since the beginning of time there have been bereaved parents yet it has never been natural
25-05-2018 12:59 AM
25-05-2018 07:23 AM
If you need urgent assistance, see Need help now
For mental health information, guidance and referrals, see the SANE Help Centre
SANE Forums is published by SANE Australia with funding from the Australian Government Department of Health
SANE Australia ABN 92006533606
PO Box 226 South Melbourne 3205 Australia
Mental Health Support Line
1300 794 991
Anxiety Disorders Support Line
1300 794 992
5 days a week
9.00 - 5.00pm
Level 5, 80 William St
Woolloomooloo NSW 2011
(02) 9339 6000
(02) 9332 0218
(02) 9332 0241
(02) 9339 6006
WayAhead is an ACNC registered Australian Charity and is endorsed by the Quality Improvement Council.