@Tigga321 ..... I understand that tha5 is how you aare feeling about it now, but here’s the thing .... when I became involved with abusive relationships, I didn’t recognise them for what they were ..... I understood that they were hurtful, but I didn’t know why. My natural reaction was to assume I was misunderstanding things, and this was causing them to react badly, thinking that my motives were not good, or that I had unintentionally offended them, insulted them without realising ..... was clumsy in some way that had caused this to happen .....
So I set about trying to smooth things over, make amends, create peaceful won-win solutions ..... and they seemed to work, which was both a relief and a joy, until they weren’t ..... they were ruined again, after feeling like a success ..... and the people were one minute lovely, and then the next minute horrible ..... and I couldn’t work out what had happened ..... whether I had done something wrong to “deserve” the switch, at least in their eyes ..... I just couldn’t understand the pattern or rules I was supposed to be working to.
This is the nature of abusive.
People who abuse are damaged, broken, or socially unskilled people, usually without an awareness that that is what they are, and the damage they are doing.
There is a mesmerising sense of entrapment. You don’t think you can break ou5 of it. You don’t think you can be believed, and in my situation, I often haven’t been.
I wasn’t raised with this, as you were, pre-conditioned to abuse and that sense of entrapment, and the abuse I have suffered is very light compared to what you have suffered and survived ..... and self-blame, self-loathing is a common outcome for someone as badly injured as you have been.
There are antidotes to feelings of guilt and shame @Tigga321 .... and you do deserve support and healing. It’s not your fault, you were a child in the first instance, and little more than a child when your partner took over the abuse pattern with you, and you were doing the best you knew how.
Please reach out for more irl support, even if you have to consider it for a while and work up the courage. And please keep posting here. It is important to acknowledge what has happened, to break the pattern and allow healing in. We can walk along with you quietly, or just sit by you when you don’t want to talk.
We are here for you .... 💕
