Life and trauma

[Oaktree]

@Former-Member 

I agree with @MJG017 

You have punished yourself enough and that you never deserved it. You can put in a complaint about your ex psychologist. That was unprofessional and they should never have said that to you. They have a duty of care towards you that they didn’t abide by.

I absolutely hear you say how much you are struggling right now with thoughts and urges. I am so sorry that things are so difficult for you right now. Maybe try and post on here for support before you impulsively follow through with any urges. You can always tag a bunch of workers on here. One of them is likely to be working, however they are taking time off over Christmas. Here are a few of their names. @tyme @Jynx @Ru-bee @rav3n 

[MJG017]

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@Former-Member wrote:

The psychologist i saw told me that I was a lost cause and that has stuck with me, I've never been able to try again.

@Former-Member I had a bit of experience with a psychologist the past 12 months and I was told I should stop coming back because i was making her feel for continuing on and didn't seem to be improving... also that I was using the sessions as a 'crutch' and I wouldn't improve until I stopped coming back.  All of this after 4 or 5 months of dealing with a bad test result that meant my current illness would end my life within the next 5 or 6 years!  My point is, some of these people just have no idea what they're talking about, are incompetent, or just have very strange ways to motivate people!  So please try not to let that add to your beliefs that you are a lost cause or deserve any of what happened!

Although I still really struggle to  really comprehend just how difficult this must be for you, I can't help but be impressed with the strength you show in continuing to reach out and find some support to help you through.  I really hope it is helping... even a little, and you can start to give yourself a break.

[Former-Member]

@Oaktree i never bothered lodging a complaint as I just wanted to try to put it behind me. For me I feel it's never enough punishment. At the moment whilst I'm still reaching out here or to lifeline I know I'm still somewhat ok. When I can't do that, that's when I know I'm in trouble. Thankyou for the names and I'll try to reach out if I feel that things reach that point. It's a very fine line to cross at the moment so I'm just taking each minute, hour and day as it comes. 

[Former-Member]

@MJG017 I'm sorry with what you went through, that's horrible to hear, really makes you wonder why they go into that profession if their heart isn't really in it. They can do so much damage with what they say when they are supposed to help people get through trauma not cause more. The psychologist i saw told me that I deserved everything I got, that it was all my fault and that I'm nothing but a mistake and that I shouldn't exist. 

I just thought things might have started getting easier for me but it's only getting harder and that scares me at this point. There's only so much one person can take before one completely snaps so to speak. 

[tyme]

Hey @Former-Member ,

I'm sorry to hear how hard things are for you.

Please know you have an entire community behind you, supporting you.

[Former-Member]

@tyme thankyou that really means alot but I don't want to let anyone down.

[tyme]

Hey my friend, it's not about letting anyone down @Former-Member . You need to do what's right for you.

I hear you when you mentioned about putting in a complaint as a way to get closure. I have done that in the past too, and like you, it wasn't about punishment or 'getting back' at anyone. It was more to raise awareness and for me to have closure.

I hope you continue to reach out as you deserve all the support you can get.

[Former-Member]

It happened so long ago now, I'm talking like 16 years. So it's not worth it now but it just ruined it for me when it comes to seeking help from any other psychologist. 

I just feel like I'm always letting people down in some way or another. 

[tyme]

Hey mate @Former-Member ,

It may feel like you are letting people down, but the fact that you've been able to connect and share here is a sign of strength. And I can confirm, I DON'T feel let down by you.

We all have our own strengths and interests. We are all different. And this is the beauty of it.

We appreciate you for who you are.

[Former-Member]

@tyme thankyou. I really don't feel strong right now and I'm so scared of pushing people away as that's what's always happened in my life. I'm always too much for people, I get sick of hearing 'you'll never push me away' ' I'll never get sick of you' 'you aren't too much'. I've heard it so many times and yet it always ends the same way. It hurts and I'm just at the point where I'm don't try anymore.