Lived Experience Forum

[JJ79]

I was diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder and Adjustment disorder 4yrs ago after a relationship breakdown,  in which I ended up hospitalized for 2mths ,due to attempted suicide and self harm.

Forward until 9th june when my loving relationship of 6mths, suddenly ended. I was given no warning ,nothing.  I would of sworn it was forever.  The only reason I was given ,via text,  was due to my insecurities. I suffer extreme abandonment issues. Partly due to being adopted but that's a whole other thing.

Anyway, since the sudden unexpected way in which I was discarded by someone I thought would love and protect me forever, I again tried to end things and extreme self harm. Been scheduled in hospital twice since then. I'm struggling with the sudden shock, my future plans gone, trying to understand how I didnt see any signs,  wondering why I can't be worthy of being loved, how it just proves me right when I find it hard to trust others as they always let me down, lie ,cheat ect. Even after the way he has discarded me, I still love him. 

I'm just struggling .

Well meaning friends try to be supportive by saying ,I'll get through this, I'm strong,  you'll find someone else.

If only these thoughts were so easy to believe. My mind races 24/7 

Sorry for the long rant 

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome to the forums, @JJ79 . It's good you're here, where others can understand what you're going through. 

I don't have BPD, but I understand it's traumatic. I'm sorry also to hear about your severe abandonment issues and recent relationship breakup, along with suicide attempts and self harm. It sounds like you're going through a hellish time at the moment. 

I'm wondering what professional supports you have in place, to help you get through this time? Do you have a supportive GP or counsellor, or maybe medication?

A handy forum tip is if you type @, you can click on a member's name in the drop-down box, to let them know you're talking to them. 

Wishing you all the best as you struggle.

[JJ79]

@NatureLover 

Thank you for your prompt reply

I've been given medication, I have a fantastic psychologist who I used to see and have started having phone sessions with her after I was discharged, I feel heard and understood with her.

Lots of crying and talking until I'm all cried out ,to a few close friends has helped in a way too

Thanks for your kind words

[NatureLover]

Thanks for tagging me in your reply, @JJ79 .

I'm really glad to hear you have the support of meds and a good psychologist. 

Feel free also to write or rant here - we are here to listen.

[MrX1]

Dear JJ

while I don't suffer the same mental health illness as you my brother does. He too (childhood abandonment-big issue) has had relationship problems all his life and he is now 50. He brings a lady home to meet the family after he has been going out with her for a while and then after a little while he'll find something trivial to focus on so that it becomes a big issue and he dumps them before they have a chance to dump him. It is his way of protecting himself against the hurt of being dumped.

It is a vicious circle he is aware of but can't seem to get out of. He uses medication and therapy which are helpful to a small degree. 
My brother tends to focus on having a relationship rather than getting himself right first. My suggestion to you as I have suggested to him is to focus on you first, you are the most important person and you need to focus on being well before you focus on any other person to have a successful future relationship. You are an important piece in this world we call life and you need to 'get' right and be healthy to travel down the road of life into the future. 
So please spend some time helping yourself and putting yourself first.

All the very best for your future.

[JJ79]

@MrX1  Thanks for taking the time to reply. 

I havent had many relationships, but I do think i self sabotage, i have the belief that they will eventually leave or cheat ect, so i tend to accuse, assume them ,which clearly judging by sudden situation, I push them away ,which is the opposite of what I mean to do. Another issue I tend to do is when an issue does arise in the relationship, I tend to go on and on about it, my rational for that is I go on about things until I feel I'm heard. Do I regret making a big deal about small things? Sure, but in the moment, they truly are big issues to me.  I appreciate your advice and agree with you. In theory it's what I need to do, putting it into practice is another thing.  But each day I wake up is a step forward right?!

[JJ79]

@NatureLover  I appreciate that, I'll probably take you up on that . Thanks 

[MrX1]

Exactly, you are enlightened about your condition, my brother knows he does it but refuses to relate it to his abandonment issues and assaults he experienced as a child. Each day you wake up and get out of that bed and get on with your day is a huge step forward and you should be very proud of yourself for being able to do it.