Hi @Ame96 ,
Welcome to the forum, and thanks for posting a little bit of your experiences.
I grew up in a household of violence and was diagnosed with depression and PTSD amongst other things and I can empathise with some of the things you're mentioning. I had a good therapist say something like this to me that really helped: "You have learnt that violence is normal, that having to do these things (like asking to eat as well) is normal, you have lived like that for 17 years, and now you have to unlearn everything. It will make sense rationally first, that violence is NOT normal, but translating that emotionally, to those deeper parts of you, that will take time. It will be uncomfortable as your mind tries to go back to the default of violence being the norm, but we have to actively change that setting everytime you feel that way". It's a lot of rewiring to do and it takes a lot of mental effort to keep on top of it but habits can form quickly and I believe with the right support, you'll get there. One really helpful thing my partner did to help was to never accept my "thank you" when he didn't get yell/hit me after breaking something, or letting me eat. He always says, you don't have to thank me for doing what's right and what's normal. He also never accepted my apologies as well (unless I did something worthwile).
I'm really bad and starting convos too, but everyone here is super helpful and kind.
