04-12-2019 09:38 AM
The weekend was not a good one and the headache lingered until late Monday and I took things very quietly yesterday and I think I have recovered - I am still eating very light meals aware my appetite will return when things settle down
The anniversary was hard but considering how much better I cope with such a major loss now compared with the past I am doing okay - and I have had major stress I think I dealt with well and I have made the right decisions about my specialist - having made a decision to continue with my plan seems like a good thing
My daughter was in hospital from Sunday until yesterday - she has a large cyst on her ovary - I am concerned about that and hope she gets back to see her gynacogist - she is not an easy person to talk with about her health - I suppose she is like her mother - keeps things to herself - ah - I understand but it could make me worry except I think she knows herself well enough
And the weather is being its usually inpleasant self lately - really chilly - windy - some rain - but my front garden looks great - and because it's in the rain shadow I have been watering it
Life goes on - we change the things we can and we accept the things we cannot and hope for the wisdom to know the difference
Which sounds like a thought for today
All the best everyone and may you Wednesday be tolerable - I am seeing my psychologist today and after that things go quiet for Christmas -
04-12-2019 01:44 PM
@Dec, hope you and your daughter fels better soon
veryyyyyy hot up here this week
no work today , all the lawns have gone brown
don`t like to mow in this heat
cleaned mum`s house this morning , now relaxing
I think the heat is playing up with my diabetes
04-12-2019 03:48 PM
I hope your daughter gets well soon. And I really feel for you on your sons anniversary. Hugs and love your way.
get well soon too
crazy Melbourne weather. It's sunny here and a slight wind. But the last two dats have been cold.
05-12-2019 12:00 PM
I am ridiculously tired today and not up to tagging - bad day for tagging - but apart from tired I am okay - I have had a really busy time lately with a lot of tough stuff but I kept my balance even if the stress hormones were building up
My daughter is home from hospital - she sounds really exhausted - I did ring her and she rang back and left a message and sounded terrible so I hope to speak with her today - I want to speak to her today - let's hope she is better - she's been through the mill
Thanks BlueBay - my son's birthday was really hard - I didn't push things and I told my psychologist about his funeral yesterday and how beautiful it was and cried and it was a really wonderful release - I really loved him and he's troubled life was over and I believe he is at peace - that is a better way to think about it - but his birthday and week after next - his adoption date - but that was never celebrated - his birthday was
But Sunday - yes! Sunday is the 30th anniversary of my single like and this is such a good date to remember - well - getting my husband to leave wasn't easy but it was time - and since then I have been so much better - it was not a bad marriage but a very sad one - single life has it's challenges and it's not for everyone but it is for me - I enjoy my own company and love it that I only have to plan for myself
The weather did get warm yesterday - cool today but I have washed a lot of my winter clothes this morning - perhaps whoever organises the weather might get the idea I have had enough of winter-drab-clothes.
It is summer after all
05-12-2019 12:05 PM
Oh @Dec ive got tears reading your post. Hugs.
I'm sure you were a fantastic mum to your son and still are a good mum to your daughter. Hope your daughter improves.
I can totally understand how you're feeling
take it easy today. Xxxooo
05-12-2019 02:32 PM
@Dec I’m glad to talked to your psychologist about your sons beautiful funeral. It’s so very hard re living our past, but it’s the only way forward. I’ve no doubt you were the best mum to him, not at all an easy journey though.
I hope your daughter recovers from her time in hospital.
And Sunday, your single anniversary, yes challenges whether we are single or not. You sound like you are making the most of some very difficult past experiences.
I’m not washing my winter clothes yet, we are back into winter in tassie, so I dragged them back out. Some have heaters on.
Sending kind thoughts @Dec . A relaxing Thursday afternoon. 💙💙💙
06-12-2019 09:52 AM
I feel much better today and thanks everyone for your kind thoughts - it has been very tiring lately but I am getting through it - and I do better in warm weather too - and yesterday was warm
And my winter clothes are washed and if I need to I can wear them again - I keep telling myself it's summer but remember a year when we didn't really have a summer - just much longer days - but I was so young then - ah - yep
I spoke to my daughter yesterday and she sounds so much better - she is not going back to work until Monday - and she is seeing her doctor next week - a bit of encouraging from her Mum went on there - it seems the women in the family have cystic ovaries - but that was a wake-up call - I think we should all listen to them
It seems incredible that I have been living a single life for 30 years - my husband was not a happy man and that seems like an understatement - decades can pass and the emotions can wash away - I think he lived from one trite statement to the next and never thought past the moment - I couldn't trust him to buy his own clothes and I ran the house and family - I think he was terribly unhappy and I wonder how his current marriage has been and hope he learned something from the failure of ours - and I can let it go
Many couples divorce after the loss of a child - I really admired people who can stay together and work together - I also believe it's better to move on alone than to stay where one person does all the emotional work in a partnership because it has ceased to be a shared effort
But then - everyone and every couple is different
Thanks everyone for your support over these last weeks while I have been so stressed - yes - we can keep our head at such times and manage to cope - whatever that means - but the cortisol builds up in our system and eventually has to be released
But the world doesn't come to and end when it seems to be chaotic - it's just not easy
I'm okay - I always will be - I seem to be resilient - and I wish I could hand that out in magic parcels for everyone else
06-12-2019 10:16 AM
Your rambling words and musings are great I'm sure you could be a best selling author if you had the time and inclindation.
That's really good news about your daughter.
Its a good bit cooler to the south of Sydney today, the smoke has arrived and is blocking out the sky and sun. As soon as I stepped outside this morning I noticed just how bad it is. Really hoping we get some relief from it soon. The poor firefighters must be so tired. They should mobilise our armed forces and get those guys to help. I feel its unrealistic to expect them to plow on doing this for the next few months which is inevitable to some degree now.
You send out parcels of kindness and pearls of wisdom in your words and thoughts and that helps a lot of us.
Take care and have a good day
06-12-2019 10:41 AM
That's a lovely post - wonderful thoughts
I do have the time and the inclination to write - I need to take my computer to get a new Office installed - and a new security system - but lately it seems that there were other things more important but I have dealt with them for the time being
i used to write a lot of short stories - I still have some of them and some were published - I found myself writing in forums a lot when I first go onto the Internet and somehow life changed - also - I was going to a writing class and that ended - as things do -
But I am getting my life into better order now and I have started to write a self-help book on being our own best friend - and maybe that could spring into a novel but a novel is a huge undertaking - I'm sure I could do it -
The weather - un-be-liev-able - truly - people in NSW and Qld are roasting - literally - in Tassie and Vic we are chilling - and we are sick of it - and we seemed to get all of Australia's rain for a while - not at all well distributed - but it sounds really bad in Sydney - not good at all
In spite of the weather and the fires my grand-daughter is staying in the Sunshine Coast for Christmas - I would like to go up and see her but right now it seems best to be in Melbourne with my family here - after all - my gd chooses to stay where she is and it will not be easy I am sure. I know she is not fond of flying but I am sorry she is not coming down
When it comes to writing a novel I think that there are several really good Australian novelists and of the more recent books I really like are The Book Thief and The Tattooist of Auschwitz both of which were really different styles of writing and very interesting with different slants on WW2 Europe - and fascinating - one full of quirky wisdom and the other a very beautiful love story in the middle of totally anarchy - and it really stirred my heart to read it several times
So yes - have a rambling style but remember where I am going - just get my computer set up properly - I have a frame of mind that if what I have works that's enough but I could use more that's for certain
Thanks for your encouragement Gazza
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