11-12-2019 06:05 PM
My aim of this post is to gather some advice and plan some steps to take.
I am not currently working, but I am doing some study. I would stay in bed all day if I didn't have someone telling me not to. I feel depressed, sick, lonely, hopeless, useless. I don't DO anything during the day and I feel so unmotivated, without purpose, goals or even a WANT for anything to actually put goals in place to acheive.
I don't have much, if any, of a social life. My social life is mainly talking to family members when they are trying to call and catching up with one old friend on the phone once every few months.
I just can't be bothered doing ANYTHING and everything seems like such an effort to do. I know that if I perhaps, got off my but and went for a walk I would feel better by the end of it, but I just DON'T get off my but!!
Where do I start with my poor excuse for a life? How do I start getting the motivation back? Why am I struggling so much with EVERYTHING? Am I feeling too sorry for myself? Do I need to harden up??
Side note: I never used to be this person. I was working full time, would often go out with friends on the weekend, I would visit family often, watch TV and interact on social media, I would get out in nature and go camping, fishing or even just walking. I was funny and I was so laid back. Now I am a ball of stress that rolls around the floor all day feeling morbid and disgustingly dissappointed in myself.
I'd say that relationship failures, being made redundant at work, drugs and feeling ashamed of myself for all of the above have led to the change. But, lets forget about the why, and help me with a turning point!
12-12-2019 01:21 PM
Hey there @YellowbrickRoad, thanks so much for posting and sharing your story with us here. I am really sorry to hear about this turn in your mental health, I hope you know you're not alone and are among peers here who care
You have a high degree of self-awareness which is great, to see that you can already pinpoint where things have shifted for you - that's amazing. I am sure you're quite over the heaviness and are ready to feel yourself again. Do you see a therapist or attend a support group? I would recommend in addition to chatting to our forum members here, reaching out to our help centre on 1800 18 7263 or via webchat here (we are open 10-10 weekdays!).
Is there anything at the moment you've noticed gives you some reprieve? Anything you enjoy doing specifically where you feel there's a small break from this feeling? I am sure a few of the community members will jump in soon with some insight. Look forward to speaking to you again @YellowbrickRoad
12-12-2019 07:29 PM
hello and hugs @YellowbrickRoad
how are you my friend xx
how has your day been today
13-12-2019 04:44 AM
Yesterday was quiet a good day actually. Admitting to myself how lazy and down I am being maybe gave me a bit of a pep. Ended up being able to get out of the house and help out with some building work so I got to sweat it out for a couple of hours... and it felt good!
I have deleted lots of time wasting apps from my phone as well. I have replaced them with habit trackers but we'll see how that goes...
I don't currently have a therapist or any kind of support, really. Partner is sick of seeing me sit there and doing nothing. Talking to them usually ends up making me feel worse because I guess I'm offered the reality of what I am doing... nothing.
I have stopped laying all of my problems on my Mum as I realised that even though she will always be there for support, she can't help but stress about my wellbeing. I really feel like I'm letting her down and I want to make her proud, not stressed. So I hold back the shi#y stories.
I saw a psychologist a couple of times about 2 years ago. I didn't find them helpful. They kept encouraging me to dribble on about things going on in my head and that's all I did the whole time. They finally responded by saying that it sounded like I had just read the psychology text book, becuase I knew what steps I should take in order to fix the problems I was talking about. That really p'ssed me off because sure, I may know how to talk about fixing them, but that's just talking about it! I'm here for help not the go ahead that my life is great and I already have all the answers... I wouldn't have been sitting there telling them my life story if that were the case!
I have tried antidepressants at one point too. They were a great short term 'bridge' but unless you have some kind of plan to enhance your wellbeing naturally along the way, then they are just temporary relief from reality with really nasty side effects sometimes.
I'm open to suggestions though, and would love to hear what others think about seeing therapists, counsellors etc.
13-12-2019 01:41 PM
Hi @YellowbrickRoad 👋
I can identify with your posts. It is a vicious circle I think.
Im not sure that I have answers for your situation but can explain mine which might help .....or not 😜.
I have struggled and still do immensely with motivation and trying to drag myself out of my holes. Sometimes it’s like a vortex that is hard to break free from.
Things that help me on the ok days
- setting small tasks to complete or sometimes start a big one
- trying to do it for me (not feeling like I need to do it for others not to be disappointed in me). I should add that this has only just begun to happen. I’m coming off a rock bottom place of being defeated.
- having someone who believes in me and will validate and celebrate the small steps (this is mostly my mh supports). It’s also the forum. This is a great place for acknowledging and celebrating the little things which are sometimes big things like even showering.
- having my psychiatrist and therapist to keep encouraging me......and listen to my endless stories of chaos.
- understanding and being patient with yourself when things are low and getting out of bed is hard. I have to adapt my goals pretty much daily. It’s really hard to do. Some days I can do this better than others.
on bad days I can’t do much and spend the day spinning in circles or just needing to distract.
On the good days im more on autopilot and justdo stuff without giving it much thought.
It seems like being with others is motivating for you as well. It is for me. I’m wondering if you’ve looked into volunteering or something to get you out of the house and doing something.
Best wishes. I hope today is ok for you.
13-12-2019 01:49 PM
@YellowbrickRoad There is a thread on the forum called daily goals, motivation and check in that might help. It helps to remember that everyone is at different stages and phases of recovery so it’s pretty individual as to what others write.
I also thought id share that for me personally I get lots out of therapy even if it is mostly talk therapy. Sometimes it feels like nothing is changing but then something happens that is life changing. I had one of those sessions this week and it has motivated me to do something.
15-12-2019 10:58 AM
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