WayAhead

@Birdofparadise8 argh can I lie and say 35?! Lol I turned 55 in January. Now you know my secret, I'm ANCIENT!

I don't like being my age because I feel I've achieved nothing. I'm not even sure what I'm supposed to have achieved by now but I still feel like the poor relation. I think I am still punishing myself for the last 8 years of providing support for my ex friend and the kids. I gave up so much and when you give up things like friends they aren't there when 8 years later you now are free to catch up with them. 

Most of my bad feelings are caused by that relationship - I wasn't good enough so I was ghosted, not worth anything because if you love someone you don't treat them that way. I was closer to this person than my own sister. 
I understand how you feel and how you cry for no reason because I've been doing the same thing since last April. Most days I can get through with just a few sad thoughts but weekends and birthdays, other public holidays are hard.

You deserve to be supported, we all do.