Lived Experience Forum

[maddison]

Hey @EternalFlower so good to read your letter!

I am in a terrible state of mind at the moment. I won't write too much because I'm simply not in the right frame of mind.

My sleep is not good! Same as you! My pattern is off balance & when I do sleep, I have a terrible time wanting to wake up. I think I will be ok if I can get back to regular hours. I don't know. Sometimes it feels like it's been going on forever.

A mixture of things feel so confusing for me at the moment & I'm have a lot of trouble finding resolution in my mind. Were they always there & I'm only becoming aware now? Or are they new concepts, I need to overcome? I'm not sure.

Guess what one of shows I'm watching is.....?

Dirty John! 

Thankyou so much for the compliments, that you love my writing. It's a pleasure to write to you! Thankyou also for being brave & sharing how you find trust difficult, especially being encouraged to trust. I can relate to this too. It can feel like a 'double betrayal.' Firstly by  doing something we are not ready for, & secondly by the lack of understanding of how abuse or trauma can truly impact a person. It can make me feel very alone.

Chat soon xx

[EternalFlower]

Hi @maddison @Appleblossom 

I'm sending u weekend hugs

How are you doing?

[Appleblossom]

Having a lovely social weekend. Went out last night to see a concert with friend, and have church tmrw and someone new coming aver for a music session.  Interested to see how it pans out.

Hope things are reasonably alright for you @EternalFlower 

[EternalFlower]

Hi @Appleblossom happy Ur day was good, social and inspiring. Was it a musical concert? So nice to get out and out of our own homes 🏡 

Hope u have  great rest of weekend.

U sound well.

I am doing OK, I was pretty down last week and wasn't here, sorry @maddison I really wanted to reply but had a lot of hospital contact....mixed as always.

Today was not too bad and I had a nice night last night. 

The small wins, I guess.

I hope tomorrow is awesome for u....

I have successfully cleaned my apartment and decluttered a fair bit of it.

Moved stuff around and feels more homely

Still some but not too much sprawled on the floor @TAB 

Have started a new mh group which is pretty good. Watching Wakefield on ABCiview @maddison  (how is dirty john?)

[TAB]

Take it easy @EternalFlower 

[EternalFlower]

Thanks @TAB I saw in the good morning thread....lots of rat tests there! Good haul.

Are you OK? Hope all's going well,? 

[TAB]

Hi @EternalFlower  yeah am okay enough thanks . Hope you're okay. 
yes lots of RATs

[EternalFlower]

Hi @TAB thanks for checking in and letting me know.

I have received from the hospital my (700 page) clinical records

Like the notes from my psych there,  my cm, etc over a few years.

Not sure if anyone has ever seen a mh professional public of private and had the fortune to read what they write about us.

There are some pretty judgemental words etc

Also if u say no to an ofder you are "Refusing"

I saw their psychologist there and she never offered me more than 3 sessions.

Apparently it's my fault, I refused more sessions. Hard to refuse when Ur not offered.

Not sure how I feel overall about the system ATM, kinda want out tbh.

@TAB @Appleblossom @maddison @Freedom11 @Eve7 @tyme 

[tyme]

Hey @EternalFlower ,

I've been given my records but never had the guts to read them. I find it very re-traumatising to read. I also have copies of my involuntary stays, and they are horrible.

If you find it triggering, I'd encourage you to put them aside. It's probably not very healthy for you at the moment - of course, unless you need to read for them for a particular purpose.

Sitting with you,

tyme

You are here because you are meant to be.

[Eve7]

Oh you are brave reading your file @EternalFlower I dread to think what was written about me in the past and now I’d be mortified if anyone read it. I don’t even mention my past MH to my current pdoc and it’s the main reason I stayed out if the system for over 30 years.

I totally relate to how you feel after reading it and I hope you have someone with you as you process all that judgement.

Sending lots of love

 💚