Lived Experience Forum

[complexfrappe]

(hopefully I'm doing this right, very new to the forums)

Like the title said, ive pretty recently connected with a clinical psychiatric and its been suggested to me that i more than likely have complex PTSD, (kind of a shock to me, not to any of my friends apprently)

Anyway, i guess im just looking for some advice on how to cope with this, how to start trusting my memories again and any advice going forward 

More than happy to give a bit more info here and there, thanks 🙂

[NatureLover]

Welcome, @complexfrappe , how do you feel about your diagnosis? 

You can type CPTSD into the Search bar above, there are a lot of threads on it.

I don't have it, but lots of people on here do, sadly. 

Also, a handy forum tip to tag someone is to type @ and then click on their name in the drop-down box - that way they'll get a notification that you've replied to them. 

I hope you find the forums supportive...

[complexfrappe]

Thanks @NatureLover. I think so far I'm still in shock a tiny bit, it definitely makes a lot of sense but it felt like a pretty harsh diagnosis until I sat down and thought about it. 

I skimmed through the CPTSD threads last night but I think I'll go over them again with fresher eyes. 

Thanks again, I'm feeling pretty supported on here already 

[StanD]

Hello @complexfrappe I can empathize with receiving such a serious diagnosis.

I was diagnosed cpl yrs ago with autism, well, exactly same as you - it was a 'suggestiion' & maybe 6 months later the clinical diagnosis of Lvl2, Autism. I still don't believe it! I knew it was right as soon as the word was mentioned.

I have not been formally diagnosed with CPTD - I am certain, it is part of mental health experiences. 

I kind of had/have this feeling - "but, I am normal' - 'i feel normal' , I don't have 'that' 

Its very hard to describe what getting serious mh diagnosis feels like, to person who has not been thru that. It totally rocks your entire world. The way you perceive your life, your self - your interpretation of how others may perceive you. 

It's like a total 're-start'. Looking back through entire life 'fresher eyes.' 😚

I think it is very good news. 

You are lucky, now you have name for misunderstood self. You can access yourself, through therapies, etc in new way.

I am sorry for traumas you have suffered. I am so happy for you that you can finally get help, support, that you need.

[complexfrappe]

@StanD 

Yes! Thats exactly it. Part of why it was such a shock is because I've spent so so long downplaying everything thats happened. I'm sorry to hear about your own struggles but its nice to know someone understands 

It just feels like such a heavy thing for something that's never been "as bad" 

It was also suggested that i might have some form of ASD (very big session overall) so there's just a lot of things to process

[StanD]

Hi @complexfrappe I'm so glad my reply resonated with you. To be honest, I felt sense of awkwardness, exposing myself. To know you understand, has helped me too. I feel less alone.

Yes, I can relate to everything you have described.

The diagnosis brings new clarity. 

It is not so easy to look, & yet, there is absolutely nothing wrong about having name for how our minds cope & organise world around us.

Denial & Acceptance. 

Oh gosh, this is not fun. Very difficult. Yes, heavy. I don't like heavy. I like light! Downplaying is perhaps defence, protecting oneself. 

The struggle is real.

Sounds flippant - pain is real. It sucks. There are different thoughts, I think Buddha claims that life is suffering.

I watched Father Stu, Mark Wahlberg recently. At first I didn't like it. It turned out to be a great movie, & then I found out was based on true story. 

This quote in particular, stuck with me,

We shouldn't pray for an easy life, but the strength to endure a difficult one. Because the experience of suffering is the fullest expression of God's love. It is a chance to be closer to Christ.

Personally, I want easy. That is all I want. I have had enough crap to last me ten life times ( thankyou so much for your kindness & seeing me too, & whilst dealing with your own struggles❤️)

I don't really understand the entire quote - I think the main point is that, suffering cannot be avoided, therefore, praying, or building strength is really the best way to go.

Things feel heavy, because they are heavy. There is enormous weight, to be carried. 

That is what these forums are. We can share our burdens, build & give strength through each other.

Knowing that I am not alone, that none of us is truly alone in our existence - it is a wonderful equaliser.

Maybe that is what the second part of the quote is about. Knowing that all of us suffer. This is where we can find God, Love.

I am not there yet.

I don't even know if I'm capable of getting to the starting line. I have to believe, that I can. What is the alternative? 

It is very difficult, beyond words, beyond comprehension.

Before, when we were downplaying - that is not life. That is not full expression of human existence.

It feels 'easy' - I have suspicion it is opposite.

To embrace entire self - this takes sh*t loads of courage, inner strength.

I know you have the strength to do this & I believe there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel!

You are already doing it, - acknowledging how, before, it never appeared as bad (as it is now)

I believe the body, spirit needs health. There is not really anything, I have to do, except allow this to happen. 

The 'processing' hurts. It is perfectly normal reaction. It can feel unbearable.

I have personal action/safety plans in place. It helps me to  feel safe, to know what I will do, when I can no longer bare the emotions, or I know, I am becoming more sick than I am capable of coping with.

Writing in a diary can help me get out feelings & makes me feel more grounded.

I could possibly be more proactive in calling crisis numbers (old tapes telling me, I don't want to take up there time!)

Hydration seems to be very important for my body.

Having a person I can text at anytime has likely saved my life. They don't need to reply - although that would be my preference.

Rest.

x

[Jasper_123]

Hi @complexfrappe , love the username! What would your complex frappe order be? 

Why was this diagnosis a shock to you?