Running

[avant-garde]

@ENKELI 

I matter to you...

[ENKELI]

@avant-garde yes you absolutely do. More than some of my so called friends. 

[avant-garde]

My head just feels overwhelmed with everything that was yesterday...

Exercise physiologist was fine, chiro wasn't.

Context: https://saneforums.org/t5/Social-space/Morning-Check-In/m-p/1724957/highlight/true#M471882

She's been back a few times now and I stonewall her, actually quite terrified of her. I fixate and play bubble shooter.

So after chiro yesterday I go to the shopping centre nearby, because these people and friends actually care about my everyday life.

Well I was parking and *Hagar was standing in front of my car starring at me.

I had reversed into the bay behind me in order to straighten up and I honestly didn't realise she was there, but she started yelling and approaching my door. I stayed put and glared at her waiting for her to leave while she waved her arms around yelling. She seemed to think that I wanted to threaten her, but I'm not that kind of person, I just wanted to do my routine.

This was after a friend of mine, *Goldilocks, she was talking to the staff member I get along with. She was describing a graphic incident and touched me as an example and I jumped back. I looked at the staff member, *Rapunzel, and she helped me to breathe, then when Goldilocks started again and I got worse, I removed myself to play bubble shooter.

When someone I'm familiar with and get along with comes in, Hagar had already said my name and asked how I am and I had stonewalled her and fixated, so I didn't notice her say hi to me, until she touched my shoulder and I had jumped. 

*names have been changed

I also now have a reference list for these

Bible names for bad

Fairy tales for good

[ENKELI]

@avant-garde I am sorry I can't engage with you at the moment my darling girl. I just got a nasty email from my father telling me to f*ck off because I finally got the courage to stand up to him after 50 years of being too afraid to. I am trying to process this prayerfully and not let him try to destroy me like he almost did previously.

You are in my prayers xo 🫂

[avant-garde]

@ENKELI 

you're family too

[avant-garde]

@ENKELI - I think this one is for you... I am uncertain what just happened, but yes

more than what he did to you

more than your despair

more than what you can do

you, my daughter, are

more than what he says to you

more than words upon a page

more than who he says you are to him

you, my daughter, are

greater than your circumstance

the pain he causes you

greater than the 50 years

you, my daughter, are

you are stronger than a diamond

more precious than rubies

more loved than you realise

you, my daughter, are

when you feel second rate

like we sometimes do

you rise up and encourage

that's just who you are

the people you have gathered

the kindness that you hold

it shows the trueness of your faith

even when the darkness takes hold

fear not for I am with you

do not be afraid

I will hold you together

when your heart tries to break

I will hold you always

as I hold you now

your life is my masterpiece

even when falling apart

to be the woman that you are

with everything you have suffered

shows of true tenacity

when you feel like giving up

you matter my dear daughter

more than words can say

I am with you always

forever and a day

[ENKELI]

@avant-garde thank you my precious friend. That is absolutely beautiful and I am going to save it.

You are so loved and adored, a true blessing from God. 

[avant-garde]

@Jynx 

Deep breaths right?

Just keep breathing

Like Dory

Just keep breathing

There are 1236 small tiles on the toilet wall

103 × 12

The attendant wished me a happy Halloween

There is NOTHING happy about Halloween! 

It is sinister and it is dark and it's nothing to do with the reformation! 

103 × 12 = 1236

1236

He can't hurt me anymore

I'm safe now

He can't hurt me

He can't hurt me

He can't hurt me

[Jynx]

@avant-garde oh my stars hun, sounds like you're in the thick of it. Sounds like it's taking a lot of your strength to try to stay present at the moment, which is totally understandable, and I imagine, utterly exhausting. 

You're not in this fight alone hun. If you have words, feel free to vent. If you wanna chat about lighter things, I'd love to hear any highlights from your week 😊

You're safe now, for sure hun - we got your back 💜

[avant-garde]

@Jynx 

Two hours ago, yes, still very very shaken and on edge and hard too settle

Just needed to stop the bouncing trigger balls in my head. 

Home now but the trigger is still very much at the forefront of my mind