Running

[RiverSeal]

Hey @avant-garde, yeah sure thing! RiverSeal 

[avant-garde]

@RiverSeal 

I feel reluctant to jump in on the everyday chat threads like tabalugas and best friends club because people are often kind of talking about their struggles and I don't want to interrupt (like today when I'm proud of myself and want to share it). I also don't like becoming one of "those tags" when I find some users post extensively and tag bunches of people, it's not that I don't care about them but I'm normally too overwhelmed and distressed with other stuff going on to have the capacity to read theirs without becoming more distressed to the point that I can't manage. 

How can I navigate this?

[RiverSeal]

Great question @avant-garde, and I have asked myself similar questions working as Peer Support Worker and sharing my recovery story!

As I recover and my life improves, like my social life, for example. I now have a great social life, and I am connected with a lot of really good friends. This was not always to case, and I was very isolated and had no friends for a long period of time. I asked myself how to I share my recovery journey without distracting from the challenges people are facing with connection in their own lives. And not make them feel like they are worse of than me and maybe think that they are missing out on what I have.

I sat with this for a while and decided that it provides hope and is a genuine and authentic stroy of my recovery. And with my lived experience of turning that part of my life around and building connections I support others to find their own path if that is something they want to work towards. It's a strength of mine and I and sharing the good and the bad experiences with people in a meaningful and purposeful way.

Does that makes sense?

I think it's fair if you don't tag other Forums Members so you don't need to feel abliged to read their posts which may trigger you or make you distressed.

RiverSeal

[avant-garde]

There are days that I love my church and this is one of them. 

7 years ago I was in a toxic church that got too dangerous for me to be in, the church my trauma sister is a member of, the church that "created opportunities" for me to see me parents. 

I was dropping my best friend home after an event and I saw their sign... I dropped my friend off and detoured the long way around to head towards home... I thought I could handle it... I was wrong...

Not even 5 minutes into my drive home and I start crying... I don't end up driving home... I considered my church was a better option... that at least then I wouldn't be alone with my tears... I considered my church was safe enough for me... to be vulnerable... and it helped...

even though the sermon had started... even though I kept crying... even though I doubted my actions at every turn... even though I sat at the back... it helped... they were what I needed... that God saw a church that broke me... that this Friday will mark 7 years free of self harm... 7 years away from that church... to then have me run to a church that loves me... that shows up for me... that embraces me... that I feel safe in... it shows me how great our God is... and how much I've grown...

I wasn't alone in my grief tonight... God didn't leave me on my own tonight... He gave me exactly what I needed... a church that shows their love for me... even if I don't always see it...

@rav3n 

[avant-garde]

@rav3n?

[rav3n]

hey @avant-garde how are you going? 😊

[avant-garde]

@rav3n 

what I realised last night threw me

the church I was in 7 years ago was why I was self harming...

30th May 2018 was my first day clean in months

8th July 2018 was when I left that church

40 days

[rav3n]

oh wow, that's a big realisation! @avant-garde how are you feeling about it now? still processing it?

[avant-garde]

@rav3n 

I didn't realise it was so close, they were so tied together, but I'm almost 7 years clean because I advocated for me...

They knew I was doing it and they didn't care! They didn't care!

[rav3n]

@avant-garde i'm so sorry that they didn't do anything to support you. you deserved so much better than that. but i am so so glad you advocated for yourself and saved yourself. YOU did it.