Running

[avant-garde]

@AuntGlow 

Trying to tell myself that I don't have to hold it together now

[AuntGlow]

Okay @avant-garde, I take that you are home? ☺️

[avant-garde]

@AuntGlow 

Yeah

[avant-garde]

@AuntGlow 

There was so much yesterday... so much pain and hurt and inconceivable psychosomatic responses that had me tense and feeling the physical pain within the flashback, pain that still lingers even now. 

Content/trigger warning

Content/trigger warning

 to feel what he did to me even now and see the scars it left behind

it's so so much and I'm struggling to grasp it all

I was his daughter and he did this and so so so much more than this

I wonder why God gave my dad a daughter

What is the sadistic purpose of all the pain he put me through

[AuntGlow]

I hear you @avant-garde. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you must be feeling and the immense overwhelm your body has had to go through from managing the trauma you have experienced. You deserved to feel safe and protected, and I am so sorry that you weren't. But I want to reassure you that you are safe with us. I get the sense you are probably needing nurturing in this moment - what can I do that would help from afar? And if you're not sure, what might help you to feel 1% safer in your body right now?

[avant-garde]

@AuntGlow 

Normally I'm just shaking and feeling this all on my own, that my pain isn't falling on empty ears is more than I'm used to

[AuntGlow]

@avant-garde Well, I am really glad I can keep you company and sit with you in these feelings. 🥰 Are you creating a comfortable space to hold yourself in how you're feeling too? I am imagining blankets, candles, some chocolate, maybe some music? 

[avant-garde]

@AuntGlow 

That sounds more romantic than comfort which is mildly triggering for me. 

I have my teddy bear, comfy pj's and my favourite hot cross buns

[AuntGlow]

@avant-garde Thank you for letting me know this, I shall remember for next time. It's interesting how certain things resonate more than others, depending on the person. I think a teddy bear, pj's, and hot cross buns sound so cozy and nourishing.

Most importantly, it sounds like a safe space for this more vulnerable part of you to be held or expressed. We are here with you, okay? 💛

[avant-garde]

@AuntGlow 

What my dad did was wrong wasn't it? I have value... regardless of my gender...