Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Ann6]

If my daughter had a broken leg or cancer the medical people would talk with us about the diagnosis and the treatment plan and allow us to ask questions or talk about the symptoms that we see. But because its mental health there is a veil of secrecy. I think the stigma of mental health is perpetuated by mental health practitioners. The only one we can talk to about the diagnosis and treatment is our daughter and she is at various times secretive , manipulative or too unwell to grasp the whole picture. It is actually making my husband and i feel out of control and disempowered in our ability to provide support.

[Former-Member]

@UNE Good evening Dr Wayland and @suzanne,

My daughter had attempted suicide a few times - last attempt was very close to fatal and happened around July 2016. The impact of such is hard to put into words and very hard to express. I think for me this is because the pain is so indescribable I have done quite a good job of blocking it from my psyche. 

I am glad my husband was there when we found her - I went into shock and could not react appropriately to help her. My husband acted fast, rang 000, the ambulance, followed instructions and saved her life. She came very close to losing it - the doctors said it was a miracle she survived.

After the shock wore off I became very strong in supporting my daughter. She needed me and I had to face up to the situation fast. She was scheduled and stayed in our local psychiatric ward. I visited her everyday and put on a smile, laughed with her but inside I was terrified and dying. I cared for her up until a few weeks ago.

This is how I was for her for quite awhile. There was literally no help for us on the outside. Because she was too sick to reach out for help the mental health team dropped her. They had no concern for what we were going through. We did it all alone.

To cut along story short the toll the stress took made me physically ill after awhile. This year particularly. I have found I had "a delayed reaction". Now she has improved I am finding the psychological and physical impacts hitting me nearly a year later. I have become very fatigued, depressed, burnt out and introverted (not wanting to go out or do things). I have had terrible nightmares every night since.  I have to push myself everyday to leave the house. Mentally, emotionally and physically the after effects of attempted suicide of a love one is devastating. I don't known if I will ever be the same. Having lost a child by natural means, I would have to say this has been harder. And there is "no help". I also have a husband with cancer and heart disease.

[suzanne]

Thank you for sharing such a powerful experience with us @Former-Member

[Former-Member]

@UNE3 months after this I was diagnosed with PTSD. I was having nightmares and flashbacks from the incident. More support needs to be given. It wasn't until 3 days later that I found out she had survived. It was a friday that it happened and then a long weekend. Not one person rang to see how I was going or to give me an update. So for 3 days I didn't know if she had died or survived.

Counselling sessions need to be given to family and the people who have found them. I was meant to be able to just cope with it. We need guidance, the first time I saw her again I just froze, I didn't know what to say to her.

[UNE]

 @Ann6 when i started doing some work with SANE many years ago I met some members of a support group who spoke about being left out of the conversation and how disempowering this was when families were wanting the best for the person they were caring for. Sometimes being in forums like these can remind you that many are on the same path, sometimes finding new ways to communicate with mental health professionals can help. But I agree, it must be incredibly taxing on you all. 

[Former-Member]

@UNE

Like @Former-Member a year after the event, I felt very emotional about things.  At that stage I did not realise just how much pain I still felt.

I did seek some counselling for myself, I found Carers Australia to be helpful as they target their counselling to the carer.  

[suzanne]

Interesting to hear about your experiences with mental health professionals @Ann6.  It sounds like your daughter hasn't been willing to give you permission to talk to her treatment team.  If that's the case, it puts you in a very difficult position to know how to best help her.

[UNE]

Thanks for clarifying @Former-Member those trauma responses, or sudden upsurges (that one of my first therapy mentors called them) can be unsettling and intrusive. We (health professionals) do often defer to next of kin when sharing information because there is a fine line between sharing information for the benefit of others (especially those first responders) and protecting the privacy of the person. With my other mental health social worker hat on I always suggest to people to keep meeting new counsellors until you find one that fits, so that you can explore the impact of the trauma in a space where your trauma is acknowledged. 

[Ann6]

Yes there have been times of hopefulness but i wonder if that is because we havent known the full picture and have had a falsely simplistic view and hope. When there has been weight gain and time out of hospital seeming to be able to get on with life. But then everything unravels and we seem now to be in a much worse place than ever. It has all felt very bleak and i have the fear that she will be successful in her attempts.

[UNE]

Thanks @Former-Member so do you think the key ingredient for support was a counselling service that was uniquely placed to focus on the role of caring as a priority, rather than a more generic counselling service?