Lived Experience Forum

[SmilingMind]

One of the most unhelpful misconceptions about meditation is that in order to meditate you need to stop thinking. When learning to meditate it’s really common for people  to conclude that “my mind is too busy, I can’t do it, I’m no good at meditating!”

It’s actually not possible to stop thinking. Our minds are wired to wander – into the future to help us plan and back into the past to reflect and learn. This is an extraordinary human quality, being able to be somewhere in the past or future while our body is here in the present. But the downside is that if we spend too much time in the future or past, it reduces our awareness of our present moment, which makes it difficult to engage fully in our life and be resilient in the face of adversity.

It’s important to note that we’re striving to be present 100% of the time. That would be impossible and ultimately unhelpful. We need to be able to project into the future to plan and predict, and to reflect and learn from the past.  We just want to reduce the amount of unhelpful wandering our mind does and be able to choose where we place our attention.

Meditation helps us change our relationship to our thoughts by observing them and learning to step back from them, rather than getting so caught up in them.

It can be helpful to think of meditation as a 3 step process. We choose an object to focus on (e.g. the breath as in tonight’s meditation or it could be something else such as your body or sounds you can hear).

Step 1: Focus on something (e.g. the breath)

Step 2: Lose focus and notice you’ve lost focus (this is part of meditating, you haven’t ‘stopped’ meditating!)

Step 3: Re-focus

Repeat! Over and over and over and over….

Most people assume that Step 1 is the most important step and that if they lose focus they have ‘stopped’ meditating. Each of these three steps is equally important and all are part of meditating. Losing focus, noticing you have lost focus, and re-focusing is what builds you mindfulness muscle. You can think of it like a bi-cep curl for your brain!

[Snowie]

@nashymy mind wondered almost the whole time. I found it really hard to bring my mind back to the moment. And then I got angry at myself for not being able to do it properly. The judgements set in.

But that is about the norm for me when I try and concentrate on my breath.

[DrZoidberg]

My mind did wander back and forth quite a bit with life stressors, and it's amazing how even within that small amount of time how I could get completely lost in those thoughts again and again (and bring myself back to the breathing). It must be amazing how quickly the mind does work.

I actually felt so uptight and distracted at the start that I was about to say to myself this isn't a good time to meditate I'm not doing this.

But I persisted! There's nothing to lose and everything to gain by giving it a try.

Although I will say there are those times I just can't sit still and for me it is better to do something physically active at those times.

[SmilingMind]

Oops I noticed a typo in my post. It should read "we're NOT striving to be 100% present all the time". Sorry everyone!

[nashy]

Oh that's so awesome! This three step strategy 🙂 @SmilingMind You're so right, the process is about re-focusing as much as it is iniitally focusing! @Snowie I think this could be a good one for you and I to remember, it's important not to be harsh on ourselves as the mind does what it does best.

[Windflowers]

Helpful to think about the three steps..will remember that. Thanks @SmilingMind

[nashy]

yeah @DrZoidberg agreed, I think there's a lot to be said for physical activities as a form of mindful focus - thanks heaps for sharing that. 

[Shaz51]

my mind wondered almost the whole time. too @Snowie , @nashy , @SmilingMind , but kept on bringing it back 

I think it takes pratice too 

[Shaz51]

hello @Chappy0401 

[SmilingMind]

Thanks for sharing @Snowie. A busy and distracted mind is one of the hardest things about learning to meditate. And just as we practice focusing, losing focus, and re-focusing, over and over and over, we also aim to keep cultivating the attitudes of mindfulness - being open, curious and non-judgemental about our experience. This takes time and practice! What we practice grows stronger so if we keep practising being patient and kind with ourselves, over time, this gets easier and comes more naturally. Keep up the great work!