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Something’s not right

Lemonjuice
Senior Contributor

The problem with being dissociative is...

...you don't know how you feel about anything, making decisions is a nightmare and often you get it wrong and you decide to leave a perfectly fine therapist and discover that the amazing new therapist that would save you, is ummm...đź‘Ž.  Now, I don't know what to do.  I left a message with the previous therapist, hope she takes me back.  But then, I think maybe I need to stop all therapy and just get on with life, best as I can.  Maybe there was some reason why I can't get treatment, that it's not meant to happen.  I'm not the only poor person with DID, they get through life without treatment and I am high functioning, so maybe, I am just asking for too much.  I don't know what I feel, to know what to do.

5 REPLIES 5

Re: The problem with being dissociative is...

@Lemonjuice  You are right. Living with DID is super tricky. I live with it, or more to the point, try to live with it.

I hope your previous therapist will take you back. They are trained to understand the confusion that goes on inside. I have done the same as you, so don’t be too hard on yourself. My therapist took me back, so 🤞🤞🤞🤞the same will happen for you.

 

Needing support is not asking for too much. Often feeling worthy of it can be hard to navigate. You know the feeling of, someone else is more deserving or worth more.

 

Nice to see you again @Lemonjuice. đź’śđź’ś

Re: The problem with being dissociative is...

Hi @Lemonjuice ...I think that making a mistake is allowed, we're only human. I don't think you're asking for too much in getting support from a therapist. 

 

I hope your previous therapist will take you back...I agree with Maggie that they are trained in mental health difficulties. 

 

All the best...

Re: The problem with being dissociative is...

@Maggie  hi, thanks. My ex-therapist sent me a message this morning, saying that I need to take my concerns to the new therapist.  For a year she was telling me how she cared about me, how she would be there for me, that she would keep in touch and how I could go back, now, a cold, single line text. She didn't ask in what way he wasn't suitable, or anything, just assumed that it's a psych issue about trust. In one way, I understand it, I'm her job, not her friend, but in another, it hurts and feels like a betrayal...it is a betrayal. 

 

Am I imagining the errors of the new therapist...

 

1. When I first met him, he told me that he was able to see me but he had a waiting list, so basically, if he took me on, I would be jumping the queue.  I told him that was fine and perhaps in the two months I had to wait, he could fit me in when people cancelled.  Weeks roll by and I think, I should check in with the secretary. She fit me in right away, and since then, there has been no issue fitting me in weekly...so basically, there was no queue and I had been waiting for nothing. A month back, I was told I could see him twice a week, the appointments were made, I felt finally, this is it, I am going to really give it my best. Previous appointment, I got told that they intended to fit another woman in, so I could have one permanent appointment and the other every fortnight. 

 

2. His appointments are 45 mins which is shorter then I am use to but beggars can't choose.  He goes directly from patient to patient however, meaning I have yet to have a 45 min appointment. They all have gone from 30 to 35.  So, I wanted to see if he was aware of this, so I mentioned in passing, how doing therapy was difficult, travelling an hour to get there, how I was more focussed on selling the house than therapy, and in all of that, using the words for half hour appointments. He actually got a bit upset by that, he stopped me and corrected me that the appointments were 45 min.  I should have said something, but his defensive behaviour kind of startled me, so I said nothing after that.  That was the moment I realized I didn't want to see him anymore.

 

3. His room is small, his chairs are oddly placed so that my chairs sits with the back against the door...call it a personal dislike, but really irks me, along with the fact that the room is not sound proof.  And his secretary is right outside and can hear everything above a quiet speaking voice.

 

4.  After three months of being with him, telling him about my suicidal episodes, depression, anxiety, life stressors, the letter from another specialist with the DID diagnosis, at our last meeting, he said he didn't know why I was going there.  

 

Are these things my issue or his?  To me, these are unprofessional behaviours.

Re: The problem with being dissociative is...

@Lemonjuice  - I'm sorry to hear that your previous therapist won't take you back. That's a blow. 

 

And I think you're right to be concerned about the new therapist. I personally wouldn't go where I could be heard through the walls, or where the therapist questioned why I was seeing him at all. Or where the sessions were cut so short each time. You're right - going to therapy is not easy; I know I have to prepare and psych myself up...plus travelling an hour each way is quite a way. 

 

What are your options? Are there any other therapists around your area that you could try? 

Re: The problem with being dissociative is...

@Lemonjuice  Firstly, I’m really sorry you are going through all this, as well as trying to cope with you MI.

 

I would certainly agree that there is some unprofessional behaviour going on. You should be allowed to be open and honest about not having a 45 minute session. Also lack of privacy is really not on at all. Being comfortable in his room is also very important. I would hate my back to the door for numerous reasons.

 

Is it possible to look for another therapist? I know how huge that question is, but you need helpful support, not confusion, if I am reading you right there.

 

I’m sorry your previous therapist can’t take you back. Could you have caught her at a busy moment? Would any further communication be available to clarify?

 

We are here with you @Lemonjuice . Take care.

 

 

 

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