Lived Experience Forum

[Hopefulsoul]

I've had a pretty traumatic background up until my early 20's and then met someone and he was amazing.

Then burnt myself out with work and had an a mental and physical breakdown and we ended up divorcing. Since 2020 I have had a really bad time with grief, depression, anxiety And have had ongoing life challenges.

I've been doing ongoing self help, meditations, psychologist appointments for a few years and all the right thing's amd get better  but after a recent experience I've lost trust in people again.

It's a very complex background 

Just someone to talk to would be nice

[SmilingGecko]

Hello @Hopefulsoul 

Yes it is hard to trust again after being betrayed as a child and when it gets into adult life.

I hope that you are able to recover from this recent experience. Betrayal affects the heart. Its better to have no expectations. What I know from Chinese medicine emotions are paired, and disappointment is linked to expectation and this pair belongs to your heart.

You can’t control the actions of other people, but you can consciously control your expectations of them, just keep repeating ‘no expectation, no expectation’ in all situations. This is what I learnt from a Chinese doctor.

Regardless, disappointment means an expectation of the heart hasn’t been met, and this hurts the heart.

You can also press Pericardium 6, the acupuncture point on the inner wrist, around 3 finger widths from the hand.

According to this chinese doctor I follow he says this point, also known as the ‘inner pass’ is like a back channel to your heart. It automatically creates the connection that the heart is expecting (internally) and this eases the pain affiliated with disappointment (this point is also used for relationship break-ups).

Press from 30 seconds to several minutes. With a bit of practice you can sense repair happening in real time.

Using the energy of your body you can heal. 

I'm actually writing a post tomorrow on this very topic on the thread: "New Age Endeavours" which was started by @Oaktree. The topic I am writing about is trust and how to use Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) which is freely accessible to anyone to clear issues related to breaches of trust.

EFT uses tapping of the meridians of the body and the use of set up phrases which are used as part of biofeedback to dislodge the energetic component of breaches of trust.

Also I will write about using affirmations to rewrite the subconscious and journalling to reflect on how you have arrived to this point in your life. 

You are most welcome to read on. I will remember to tag you in my post tomorrow. I hope to see you on the forums tomorrow!

Pericardium 6

[Hopefulsoul]

Thank you @SmilingGecko 

I will try this today ❤️

[Oaktree]

Hi @Hopefulsoul @SmilingGecko 

That was a great response @SmilingGecko 

I will tag the thread here so you can just click on the blue link.

New Age Endeavours 

I also struggle to trust others and have an especially hard time trusting health professionals. My problem with them is they write stuff down and they don’t always get it right. Just their opinions. I had a traumatic childhood and my parents were both abusive. It makes life as an adult difficult because it’s difficult to find people you can trust. I have a loving husband and I am so grateful for that. 
My advice would be to learn to trust carefully and slowly. Not everyone can be trusted. However, there are trustworthy people out there but you need to find them. Maybe try wearing some picasso jasper. @SmilingGecko says that will help you find your tribe.

I think the whole trust thing is going to have to be a work in progress. I hope one day I learn to trust more too. I guess I am scared of being hurt!

Be kind to yourself.

Meggle

[tyme]

Hey @Hopefulsoul ,

I think most people are scared of being hurt. I know I am, and therefore I grew up with an avoidant personality. Yet I later realised I missed out on life because I avoided most things. Although my personality hasn't changed and I still prefer to avoid things, I have to say I attempt to move outside my own comfort zone in order to grow.

I'd love to get to know you a bit more. Feel free to tag me into your posts at any time. Like this @tyme 

[scruffypuffball]

@Hopefulsoul 

i will just leave this here.  We are social mammals.  When safe our brains are wired for connection.  Trauma re-wires our brains for protection.  It is a perfectly normal evolutionary response.  Our brains are designed not to keep us happy but to keep us safe.  There is nothing wrong with you.  There is something wrong with the people who traumatised you.  Try not to internalise blame on yourself.

[Hopefulsoul]

Thank you so much, that's a big part is putting blame and shame on myself like their is something wrong with me.

I needed this reminder 💗

[Hopefulsoul]

Hi @tyme

I understand where you're coming from as well.

I've realised I isolate when I feel unsafe from traumatic experiences. And learning not to be so hard on myself has been an ongoing journey as obviously early brain development didn't help and the cycle of choices and bad experiences contributed. It's just hard to not get upset sometimes and just accept things the way they are, as healthy self regulation seems to be more challenging for one's with complex backgrounds.

I find myself jealous of people with a secure brain when things go bad and the nice upbringing and "normal" history and the way they deal with life challenges would be much easier for them.

And I feel at times more damaged as time goes on.

I definitely am one to move out of my comfort zone and have put myself out there lots in the last few years but have gone back in my shell from a recent experience. And I don't trust to talk about these thing's to people as it's a very vulnerable spot and I'm so sensitive.

Even just having dinner with w couple of friends the other night I dreaded it all day and went home stressed because I just don't feel safe around them.

So it's just easier to avoid people altogether unless I feel safe enough to be around them. And I learn real quick who I do feel safe around in these vulnerable times.

Sorry for the essay, it's just nice to get it out I suppose.

[Hopefulsoul]

I'm so sorry you had to go through this as a child Meggle. It really is heartbreaking and challenging for us as adults no matter how hard we do the work to create safe environment for ourselves. And only people that have had similar experiences understand.
And it makes you feel alone and abnormal when the general population haven't had continuous trauma.

I'm so happy for you that you have a wonderful husband to be there for you.

I have a partner now that is incredibly attentive and compassionate to my needs. I just don't feel like I want to burden him with all my past and struggles,.

It's definitely a continuous journey, I feel maybe for some , like us, maybe more challenging then other's. Which maybe makes us even stronger.

Just taking day by day is all we can really do.

Thank you for your support, I'm here if you need to talk as well 💗

[Hopefulsoul]

Thank you for your reply and support 💗