Lived Experience Forum

[BeepBeep]

Over my lifetime I've seen numerous different psychiatrists and psychologists, some of whom have been a "good fit" and others not at all (very bad experiences). Eventually I found a psychiatrist I trusted and with whom I built a great therapeutic relationship that helped me a lot (I have bipolar, anxiety and complex trauma issues). All was going well and then he retired leaving me to start all over with a new psychiatrist. He's ok and therapy is often useful but I still feel uncomfortable because I'm not sure that he likes me at all.

I got on really well with my previous therapist and he was very supportive whereas my new one never says anything to me that is supportive in any way. He's very clinical and distant in his technique. I don't want to start over again with someone new, particularly if I'm being oversensitive about wanting to talk to someone who actually likes me. What do others think? Does therapy work if your therapist doesn't like you? Should wanting to be liked be irrelevant to good therapy?

[Maggie]

@BeepBeep  Welcome.

How long have you been seeing your new therapist?

Personally I like to be liked not just a number in therapy. I know it’s not friendship, but some aspects of therapy are. Learning to trust someone with deep and personal experiences needs acceptance, which I understand as liking someone.

I do think adjustment takes time. You will be missing your previous psychiatrist, very understandable. Going over your history again is also challenging.

Maybe give it some time, then decide.

[BeepBeep]

Hi Maggie,

I've actually been seeing my "new" therapist for two years but I saw my previous one for 12 years so there was a lot of history there and he was the type of therapist who cared about all his patients and showed a lot of empathy. I am still missing the support I had from him during my worst episodes of bipolar.

Thanks for understanding what I mean about being liked and acceptance.

[Maggie]

@BeepBeep  , oh, that’s very different. I presumed it was a relatively new psych, but 2 years is a long time to be wondering .

12 years is a long time to be seeing someone, you build up a real relationship. I’ve been seeing my counsellor for 15 years. Before that I struggled to find a fit of any description. Like you, my counsellor is empathetic and caring, over and above what is required. 

I would imagine you are grieving the loss of your previous psych. 💞💞

Would it be worth looking for someone new, or is that too big?

I think we need to be more than just a client , more than a label etc.

Sending some 💙💙💙💙 It’s ok to be finding this difficult.

[BeepBeep]

Thanks for your support @Maggie  I am still grieving the loss of my previous psych because he helped me so much, especially with some really traumatic situations that had happened with previous therapists and my total lack of trust because of this. I have done some good work with my new psych but I just feel like I'm another number and he often doesn't even remember things I've told him whereas my old one remembered everything. I often sit there being an emotional wreck, unable to talk, and I think "couldn't you just say something nice to me right now?"

But yes, finding someone new and telling all again is a daunting prospect. I'm in my 60s so I have a lot of history to explain every time I start again!. I should clarify that my succesful therapy has been psychodynamic psychotherapy plus medication. I have tried CBT, ACT and DBT at various times and they haven't helped me at all.

I think I will have to hang in there for awhile and see what happens.

[Maggie]

@BeepBeep  I’m in my 60’s also. A late starter to therapy. 

There sounds to be some good in your present psych, so I agree, sticking it out sounds like a good decision. You can  always change your mind later if it’s not working out how you would like.

Trauma takes so long to unravel. I think  @eth  has done, or is doing psychodynamic therapy. She might join in the conversation.

If you feel like getting to know others around the forums, you are welcome to look around and join other conversations. Sometimes understanding goes a long way.

I hope there is some good in today for you. 💞💞💞

[eth]

Thanks for the tag @Maggie  and Hi and welcome @BeepBeep   

I recently had a psychologist I'd seen most weeks for over 3 years leave abruptly and tho' I knew she had to do it (problems with her pregnancy) I still felt like I'd fallen thru' the net coz she didn't get to do a referral with history that she said she would do or choose a new one with me which had also been planned.  (We had put a lot of work into  EMDR therapy which incidentally I found way more effective than the other therapies you mentioned, which didn't work for me either).  Ultimately it took 3 months to find someone worth a try and get an appointment.  So I totally understand grief over losing an important therapeutic relationship.  And that grief comes and goes and comes again with it's own seemingly random timing.

I am curious @BeepBeep  that your psychiatrist was doing the psychodynamic therapy as I thought that was something a psychologist (like my new one who I've only seen once) would do.  My psychiatrist and I do talk a bit but her main role is to manage my meds and the previous one only did that.  

I also totally get how hard it can be starting with someone new.  About 3 1/2 years ago I wrote the history of my life for a new psychologist (who I didn't end up continuing with - he was a jerk but that's another story) - I have bipolar 1 and complex and chronic PTSD as a result of a long history of traumas too.  That guy wanted me to tell him my history in 6 lines on a form - I gave him 14 pages!!  I kept a copy of it (which I've added a bit to since) and now when I start with someone new I am able to give them a copy.  Saves so much time and energy to have new disclosure and make a time-line of my life.  Maybe that would be helpful for you to do too.  It's a great exercise even if you don't share it in my opinion, does take a fair bit of effort but it was cathartic for me.

I think I'm hearing you say you don't really feel like a good fit with your current pdoc.  Remember you have the right to shop around and find another if you don't feel like they are a good fit.  I think you've given it plenty of time to decide.  I think it's really important for a pdoc to be kind and empathic to a degree, tho some are def cold fish - I believe if they are jaded with their work they should take a break, it's vital that you can feel a 'therapeutic relationship' and rapport with them - just my opinion from my experience.

I'm 57 and have had lots of therapy both psychology and psychiatry over the years - and most of it just kept me treading water and out of hospital, not really making progress in my recovery journey.   With the EMDR I could actually feel my brain being re-wired and my trigger response easing in some areas.   I'm very much hoping the new one's psychodynamic approach works for me - would like to hear more about that if you feel like sharing.

Great that you are reaching out here by the way.  The forums are a wonderful place to get involved - I've been around since 2014 and have had some breaks but keep coming back as there's nothing quite like it.   Take care.

[BeepBeep]

Hi @eth, thank you for your reply.
My history of being in therapy goes back to my teen years and has continued on and off since. My first experiences included a GP who medicated and counselled me and then a psychologist, both of whom sexually abused me.

Female psychologists I have seen over the years all used CBT, DBT and ACT techniques and as well as the methods not working for me, I didn't gel with any of them (for instance one only wanted to tell me her problems and another was fixated on me leaving my "bastard of a husband" -- he's lovely incidentally!) so I left quite quickly each time. By the time I found my previous psychiatrist  I was on the verge of giving up on therapy for good. My trust was non-existent by then.

There are psychiatrists around who also do talk therapy but I think they are a rarity. My previous psychiatrist specialised in mood disorders, trauma and ADHD. He spent a lot of time with me building trust, teaching me various techniques to deal with my panic and dissociation and also allowed me to see my history in a different way. My current psychiatrist is qualified in psychoanalysis but uses more of a psychodynamic approach. He concentrates on mimimum medication to control my bipolar and the talk therapy to examine my early and adolescent life concentrating on shame, fear, punishment and abuse. With each I've had regular 45 min appointments along with access by phone for emergencies. 

As well as therapy sessions I've been hospitalised voluntarily several times and scheduled once.

One of the reasons I find it daunting to have to look for another psychiatrist is that I have severe social anxiety and even ringing to make appointments is extremely difficult for me. Seeing a new person is a nightmare of epic proportions!

I've always done a lot of writing for therapy and I did a life summary for my current pdoc, also details of all the medications I've been on since age 14. My previous pdoc wrote out a detailed referral too and spoke with him as they were colleagues.

[Basil]

Hi @BeepBeep 

I can understand that it can sometimes feel like a very long and arduous journey finding a mental health professional and/or treatment that works for us, especially when you have a long history of seeking help and if you have experienced trauma from these professionals. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences, we are sitting here with you.

[BeepBeep]

Thank you @Basil