Not Coping

[Birdofparadise8]

Wow fancy @tyme 

So my regular said she spoke to her supervisor and said the man I spoke to was wrong, and they were not sure why he wouldn't talk to me (he did speak with his supervisor, but they clearly didn't understand). The only thought they had was that there was a comment about the phone trial, but since only a few counsellors were doing it, they didn't understand and it's finished anyway. I am allowed to talk if I need to between sessions for emotional regulation or for crisis support. She was apologetic about it. Still doesn't take away how much it hurt. 

We talked about self-compassion and gratitude tonight. I'm going to write down three things I'm grateful for each day. It will be hard. I can't even think of one right now. I'm so close to tears. I nearly was with her on the phone. trying to think of what grateful means. I feel like I have no meaning right now. 

[ENKELI]

@creative_writer & @Shaz51 I pray you both get a restful night and wake feeling refreshed and renewed. Migraines are horrible. 

@Birdofparadise8 yes I think I will order it online instead. I don't cope well in the heat or in large crowds so the two together would be bloody awful!

Trying to get rid of a headache, I think it's because I haven't drunk enough water today.

Did you make your brownie? 

[Birdofparadise8]

Fair enough then @ENKELI 

No, I will make it tomorrow. It's too late now. 

Don't you like drinking water?

[tyme]

Argh @Birdofparadise8 . What a shame it was an error. I'm glad they CAN talk to you.

Do you feel better now that you've received clarification?

[Birdofparadise8]

Yeah, I guess. Lucky it didn't put me over the edge or something @tyme 

Still sucks it was an oversight. Something so small which had a huge effect on me. 

[creative_writer]

@ENKELI thank you. I hope you get plenty of rest and fluids and the headache settles for you too 💖

[tyme]

Hey @Birdofparadise8 , it's a valid response to perceived rejection. I hear you on that one. 

I'm so glad your KHL counsellor worked on gratitude with you. When someone is truly grateful for something, they CANNOT be depressed at the same time. This is scientifically proven. I wonder if that's why I'm in a really good place? I'm generally a really grateful person... for everything.

[Birdofparadise8]

Okay @tyme 

Well, I can still be grateful for some things. I'm not a selfish person or anything. I'm grateful for you and everyone here. I'm grateful for my family and a small number of friends. And to be alive. 

But I'm more meaningful about my life right now and do not see it as good or whatever. I'm not suicidal; or anything.

[Shaz51]

Thank you @ENKELI and I hope you and @creative_writer feel better soon and sleep well tonight 

[tyme]

Good on you @Birdofparadise8 🙂 So proud of you.