New chapter

[creative_writer]

So I’ve come off one of my meds, it’s the first day I’ve been without it for years. I feel so much calmer, but a bit foggy, sleepy and migrainey. Not sure if that’s withdrawal or exhaustion built up from the really rough patch I’ve come out of. I can finally say I’m not in a mixed episode. I’m sort of unfazed by the body flashback I’m having. I’m just a little confused. Has the discomfort become easier to sit with (is it a sign of progress?) or am I disassociating? 

[Dreamy]

@creative_writer it really could be a combination of everything. It's really hard to say it could be progress or dissociation. But either way the point is that right now you are feeling calmer and aren't in that mixed episode. Onwards and upwards for you i hope ❤️

[creative_writer]

@Dreamy I kind of wonder why I never raised the med issue earlier. It’s a bit of a relief, but obviously it will take time for the body to get used to it.

Even though I don’t feel super comfortable in my body right now, I’m not on edge, I can cope. Maybe my brain needs a break, I often found myself panicking for feeling this way.

It’s also easier to compartmentalise my own beliefs and cultural expectations I often feel placed on myself. I would often feel inadequate because I felt like I didn’t fit the mould, I felt too quirky, weird and broken. Struggling with MI and being ND has been really hard to accept. I know internalised expectations over time and this caused a lot of distress. I know it’s probably going to take time to be okay being myself, but being able to separate has been helpful

[Dreamy]

@creative_writer at least you did raise it now, better late than never. Yes it will take time for your body to get used to it. 

It's good that you don't feel on edge, it can be hard to accept certain feelings within our body. 

Understand all those feelings and it can be so hard to sit with those beliefs and expectations on ourself. I say embrace the quirky and weird, it's what makes us unique 😊. It will take time, but you are certainly heading in the right direction ❤️

[creative_writer]

@Dreamy I think I’ve become more attuned to my body over time, I don’t know if that has brought my attention to the frequency of body flashbacks. I probably got them before, but I was too detached to notice them as much as I do now. The body hides so many stored emotions and memories. Learning to feel safe within myself is challenging, and it’s confusing. Maybe it’ll happen later into healing, but I’m not there yet.

I always knew I was different, it made sense once I was able to process that my ND has contributed to those feelings. Maybe I need to find my people

[Dreamy]

@creative_writer we definitely become more attuned to our bodies over time. I understand this will be a challenging and confusing time for you as you learn to feel safe within yourself. But it will happen in time and we will be here with you along the way ❤️. 

Being ND can make things a little more complicated but I'm glad that you have been able to process that it's contributed to these feelings. Thankfully the forums are also very accepting of ND so you are understood and welcome here 😊 

[creative_writer]

@Dreamy I’m definitely feeling the anxiety a bit more now. It probably makes a lot of sense since I’m working through mental health stuff and applying for jobs. I have really bad social anxiety and find job rejections hard. I find interviews hard too. I know it’s all a learning process, it’s still not easy. I’m still learning to manage my anxiety.

The forums are really accepting of ND. It’s refreshing to find a place to connect with others who understand

[creative_writer]

Hi @AuntGlow I’ve retired the other thread. I’m using this thread now. I’m okayish emotionally, a bit tired and migrainey. Can’t tell if it’s just burn out from strong emotions or experiencing medication withdrawal, or both. Though it is true I was experiencing migraines and nausea long before stopping that med. It turns out one of my meds was creating emotional instability. I just came back home from dinner and a walk.

How are you? What have you been up to?

[tyme]

Amazing thread @creative_writer  🙂

So proud of you.

[creative_writer]

@tyme I do believe I had to break to get to this point, I know my emotions were insanely high recently, and I’m sorry. I may have said stuff. I say and do stupid stuff when I get manic symptoms, it’s worse when it’s a mixed episode. It’s sort of embarrassing. I’ll tell myself I won’t let myself lose control, but I have on multiple occasions.

I just created a new thread because I just needed a new start. I’ve been struggling with mixed episodes on and off for a while, I would get it under control for it to come back. This is why things appear to have been rough for a while, it’s harder to break free from the thoughts when my mind is racing. All I am hoping is it doesn’t come back again. I have a lot to work through and I need this calmer state to do that