12-01-2019 02:01 AM - edited 12-01-2019 02:04 AM
Learning to accept this horrible thing is a nightmare. As bad as living with it. It means that I'm never going to be level. I can't hold down work very long (to date).
Right now my life feels pointless. I've been living in social housing for 12 months and still haven't settled enough to feel brave enough to handle managing relationships in a work environment.
I'm not suicidal, but I'm not going to lie, I've been wondering if this is the only solution available to me if I can't find some stability eventually... I'm 35 for Pete's sake.
I'm not a drug taker anymore, illicit or otherwise. The chemicals in my head give me more than enough "entertainment".
Sorry for the rant, just feeling really helpless and to be honest, hopeless. This will pass. It is the beauty of bipolar. Nothing can be relied upon.
That is except for a government who won't accept that I'm incapacitated enough to need the dsp (which I'm ashamed of believe me) and would much rather I live in abject (1st world) poverty for the rest of my life with constant threat at the hand of job networks suspending my payment because they aren't qualified enough or just don't care or even worse than that, are malicious and want to harm the vunerable.
It's disgusting really. I feel utterly helpless.
Anyone been through something similar? Where did you get your light from in the end? Did you live to experience a better life in the future? Are you still cactus? lol... sorry for the dry humour. Thanks in advance ✌
12-01-2019 09:36 AM
Sounds like you are definitley going through a hard time at the moment. My situation is probably quite different to yours(as is most people), I have Bipolar 2 and have also been in the positon where I feel hopeless, frustrated, guilty and down on myself. In my case it is actually part of the illness.
Good on you for staying away from the substances, I think a lot of us with this condition to delve into that as a bit of self medication which of course amplifies the problem.
I am sure that this will pass, unfortunately for me a depressive state often tells you that you are not good enough and aren't strong enough. Once agian, that is part of the illness. Do your best to keep fighting as best you can and never be afraid to ask for help.
12-01-2019 10:32 AM - edited 12-01-2019 10:34 AM
I don't understand your reply sorry @FrankyW84, we have the same illness. My "symptoms" (I dislike referring to myself having them) are also a part of my diagnosis.
Thank you for taking the time to reply to my initial post, I really appreciate it.
I agree re doing my best to keep fighting it... It's all we can do. Cheers
12-01-2019 11:57 AM
Apologies I probably wasn't too clear. What I meant to write was, while we have the same condition, we are all still individuals with our own lives, personal circumstances and our own personalities. So while we have the same illness and our symptoms are probably similar we are still individuals.
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