I can’t cope

[tyme]

Love it @Captain24 when you can knock off after 30 mins of taking the med. I had something similar in the past, but it worked in about 20 mins because I was slurring my words and pretty much dribbling from getting so sleepy lol. 

I didn't know this bike had 2 services that come with the purchase. It's a bike for my 6 year old nephew and it was about $400. The bike has been sitting in the garage for months now, and I took the receipt off the bike today (it was stuck on with sticky tape), and cut off the Bike Owner's Manual that was attached to the bike. When I looked in the manual, it had the service tickets attached. My nephew can't ride the bike because I think there is a puncture in the back tyre. Hence I'm going to take it bake to the bike store.

Anyway, I'll catch you tomorrow! Rest up 🙂

[Captain24]

Hi @tyme @Jynx 

Today wasn’t as good.

I got annoyed with people and I let the agitation in. But I did keep trying to say keep calm to myself. It was really only at the end of the shift. 

I worked through my emotions to get to the bottom of it and I did! I guess that is a win. I think that’s what journaling is meant to be. It’s knowing that the bosses at work don’t think I’m good enough. I’m not good enough to learn more equipment. When I have my yearly review I will bring that up.

But I did try to see glimmers. I saw a lizard sunning him self on a rock. The sun was a bright orange as it was setting and on the drive home I saw a shooting star. 

Im still trying. I’m feeling a little flat though. 

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

I'm sorry today wasn't as good. At the same time, I can see you are doing your best and that's what's most important.

The fact that you could observe that lizard sunning itself is a clear practice of mindfulness. Just absorbing your surroundings can separate you from the challenges that life throws at you.

I know the review can be stressful, but take it as it comes. Don't over think it now. Take each moment as it comes. 

When things are tough, just go minute by minute.

We are here for you...

Guess what? Ruby likes me A LOT...

[Captain24]

I was trying to replicate yesterday which I know is the wrong thing @tyme. 

I was watching the lizard for about 5 minutes. I really want to try after yesterday being good. The only person that can fix me is me. 

The review isn’t until November. But I’m talking myself into being strong enough to advocate for myself. 

I need to focus on the now and not on the past or the future. I’m flat but not unraveled. 

Thanks for being here. For the ups and the downs. How good is it to say ‘the ups’ I feel like I can. 

It’s awesome that she likes you. There is something so special about the love of a dog. It’s so unconditional and they choose their people. 

[tyme]

Amazing @Captain24 ,

And you know what? Having better sleep patterns can really help with this. 

I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but it's constantly using the skill of reframing to change how you view things - this in turn changes your behaviour.

I honestly believe in you. I know I have been saying this, but I really know you can do it. And yes, we can walk with you, but YOU need to do the work.

We are here to support you @Captain24 . 

There are great things to come!

[Captain24]

I’m on nightshift for the next 3 nights. (So I won’t see you until next week) @tyme. It’ll be the first time with my new meds. Hopefully it helps with quality sleep.

Im really tired now. I love my meds! 

I need to learn to reframe better. But I guess it’ll come with time and practice. 

I feel like I’m finally at the start of healing. 

[tyme]

I hope the meds will be okay for you with your shifts. That was the hardest part of my meds. I needed a very strict sleep routine as part of allowing my MH to heal and recover @Captain24 .

I'm glad you like your new meds. I kinda think I know which ones you are referring to as mine have similar effects. 

Anywho...I'll miss you while you are on night shift, but pop past when you can and I'll respond as soon as I'm on.

We are in this together. It's so refreshing to see that you feel this is the turning point. 

I wonder if people naturally know when things will change? I remember, for me, when I knew it was the turning point, I even told the hospital that I'd never see them again - and I haven't since. That was about 6 years ago. 

[Captain24]

This is the key to knowing if they are the same @tyme They are known for the munchies! I’m lucky though as I’ve avoided that side effect. 

I think I’ve found that turning point. Struggling so much while I was in there but getting unbelievable support from all has helped I think. Plus now I want to prove myself for them. To show them that I’m willing to do the hard work and continue on from their support. They made me feel like I can be worthy, that I deserve better and that I can do it. 

My new psych said ‘people pleasing’ has good consequences at times. 

Talk to you soon.