I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I appreciate your honesty @tyme.

It doesn’t complicate things anymore than they already are but I feel like you get it. How difficult that certain issues can be. I’m not sure many others would. 

Thanks for being with me. I know I’m being difficult. 

On top of it all I’m having serious ED issues as well. 

[tyme]

Yeah, I was only thinking the other day re your ED. @Captain24 

I'm sorry it's so hard for you. I wish I could make it easier.

When you were a teen, did you struggle with similar issues?

[Captain24]

Yeah.. lots going on. @tyme. My ED has altered and caused an increase in size. To the point that I got asked when I was due. I really need to talk about it but don’t know where to turn for that. It’s a taboo subject. 

I have always had bad body image issues. I have always had an unhealthy relationship with food. I have had varying issues over time, just not to this extreme. 

[tyme]

I'm thinking that a lot of people go through body issues. I did in the past too. At the peak of my mental health, I had severely disordered eating. It never got to the extreme of an ED. I hear you when you mentioned it being a taboo and not being able to talk about it. As much as I think there needs to be a space for it, it's really difficult on the forums as it can lead to all sorts of issues for the community. @Captain24 

I'm yet to find a place that's public facing where people can speak freely about it. I wonder if @Bow knows any places/spaces.

Hope you are okay @Bow 

[Captain24]

I get why it’s taboo @tyme. It’s too easily triggering. I am so ashamed of myself that I can’t even be honest with my team. 

I just wish there was somewhere that could just listen to me. Guide me. But mostly just let me get it off my chest. I just need someone to listen. Thats not my team.

With the other stuff there is places and websites and chats where people can discuss things and it helped me figure out where I fit. 

I haven’t found anything like it for ED’s. Hopefully @Bow can help. 

This has me really upset. But I needed to say it all. Everything is eating me up

inside.

[Bow]

Yeah I am really sorry @tyme @Captain24  but this is an area that is hugely lacking. You have all these services and organizations that provide mental health support and the parameters of that are huge and wide. But no one is really willing to provide a space primarily for eating disorders. Yea there is the butterfly foundation and they have a couple of things available, but it’s very limited. 
which is really sad cause eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of all mh disorders. 

[tyme]

Hearing you @Captain24 . Hugs. 

It must feel like there is a huge burden on your shoulders.

I hope you find a way to speak to your treating team about what's happening for you. It sounds so hard to feel like you have to do it alone.

I'm here for you.

[Bow]

@Captain24  It’s totally not uncommon for ED folks to go from one end of the scale to the other in their struggles. And as taboo as it feels for you to talk about, you have said that you really need help, so I’d really encourage you to talk to someone on your team. Pick the person who is the most understanding, most empathetic and think about how you might tell them about it. 

[Captain24]

Thanks @Bow. Even what you have said has helped me a little. I don’t know what or why it has happened but knowing it’s not uncommon helps. 

I guess I have to try my CM but she can be so harsh and critical. 

Im doing my best @tyme but im just not coping with it all. Everything is just starting to get too hard and too complicated. I’m not doing ok.

[Glisten]

@Captain24  You need a different CM.

You’re supposed to feel supported. Not afraid of them.

You are doing as much and as well as you can.

I on the other hand, constantly get my abilities confused with my ambition.

I’ve just had an unexpected reaction of resentment towards a friend.

She asked me to help to zip tie something on Monday. Now I don’t want to go.

 @Jynx @tyme the only thought that went through my head was I don’t want to go to the Shed if I keep getting asked to do something.

But it’s its such a little thing I’ve been asked to do.

Why am I so reactive?

G