Handling OCD- What's the line between giving into compulsions, and needed medical care.

[Cricket24]

WARNING- Mentions of sex, STDs, intrusive thoughts, all the fun stuff that comes with OCD

Hi! I struggle with moral and contagion OCD because my brain is an overachiever and one kind of OCD wasn't enough.

My OCD recently has decided I have a STD, and I am a terrible, disgusting, worthless person, all that fun stuff. 

What I can't decide, is do I go to the doctor? By ruling out this condition, am I feeding the desire for reassurance, or am I being sensible?

The likelihood I'm sick is very low, but not is impossible. I have no symptoms. I've had two partners in my entire life, one of whom I know 100% was clean, the other I am very confident was clean. 

There is no chance of me passing this on at the moment.

I also don't want to go, because ignorance is bliss (you can imagine how well that's going for me)

The way I see it is 3 outcomes 

- I don't test, I continue obsessing until I get hit with a new obsession with this one always lurking 

- I test, I'm positive, I have definitive proof I'm dirty and unclean, I continue obsessing only now with more tears

- I test, I'm clean, I feel like an idiot, I reinforce reassurance seeking patterns,I get a new obsession 

Not looking for a definitive answer here, just maybe some empathy and a response from someone who isn't inside my head. Cause it's not comfy in here.

(Please don't take my sense of humour as taking the piss. I gotta laugh or I'll cry)

[Gremlin24]

@Cricket24 i can resonate with this so much. The constant overthinking of things is so frustrating.

Firstly you definitely aren't a horrible it disgusting person so your OCD lies to you there. 

I would honestly check in with your doctor and speak to them about how you are feeling, maybe they will decide to test, maybe they won't. But maybe they will be able to ease your mind about having an STD. I know it's not going to make much difference cos even if you do get a definite answer in that you do or don't have one your brain is just going to find something else to focus on. 

I hate being inside my brain, it's a very overwhelming place and it never switches off. And I'm the same in joking about things cos it's so true, if I don't laugh, I'll cry.