Lived Experience Forum

[Aniblax]

Apart from the trauma it would cause my family, I really can't see the point of even trying anymore.  I am not looking forward to my future, my past is a source of awful trauma and anxiety to me, and I can't even find a reason to get out of bed right now, apart from the feed the dog.  Letting the dog down is yet another source of anxiety.  I just want to curl up in a ball and die.  I have everything planned and I think I'm just waiting for one more bad thing to happen to justify it to myself.

I cannot bring myself to talk to someone about it face to face, and I don't know why.

[NatureLover]

Hi, @Aniblax , and welcome. I'm glad you've reached out to the forums, as that shows some spark of hope. Many people here can relate and understand what you're going through.

I'm sorry to hear you've had such trauma in your life. I'm concerned that you might not have enough professional support at the moment for your severe depression...can I ask if you are on any medication  for it, or seeing a counsellor?

You say you can't talk about your SI (suicidal ideation) face-to-face, which makes it hard. Is it easier to write about it, as you have done here? That way you could use the Lifeline chat service at  Lifeline or the Suicide Call Back Service chat at Suicide Call Back Service .

Or maybe talk about it on the phone to Lifeline (13 11 1 4) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467)....would that be easier than face-to-face?

Thank you for posting here. Please stay safe, @Aniblax . I'm also going to call a @Former-Member , as I'm concerned about you.

[Tortoiseshell]

Hey there @Aniblax, 

I'm the moderator on shift. I'm so sorry to hear that you are in so much pain and don't feel you have anything to look forward to. I can hear how hard it is to speak about this, which is why it is so brave that you have reached out here. I am going to send you an email to check in with you as I'm worried about you 🌻

[AngelB]

It's hard talking about it face to face. I understand that. Things are tough for me at the moment but I'm trying to find something nice in each day. Today it was watching a camillia with a flower ready to open. My dog is lovely, patting her puts a smile on her face. What dog do you have?

[Gerry1]

This sounds very serious and I have concerns for you. Do you want me to contact services to assist you. You can also contact Lifeline on 131114  

[Aniblax]

Thanks all.  It is serious.  I'm not going to lie.  I just feel low right now, instead of suicidal, but I know the dip is going to come back again at some point soon, and that's when things get really scary.  I have an appointment for a care plan on Thursday, but worried I won't make it that far.  It's weird, because I have felt much worse in the past, but not so unsafe.  I think it's the quick swing to bad.  That is new for me.

[Blep]

Hey @Aniblax. It is so good that you have jumped back onto the forums and given an update.

Have you tried any of the phone services @NatureLover has suggested? Since you are still feeling like you may slide down it could be good to actually talk to someone about it and not face to face.

Hope you can reach out like you have here

Blep 😸:tongue:

[Mystiq]

Please hang in there! I know the feelings of feelings so lost and alone and as if you just want everything to end but won't bring yourself to it cause of your concern for others, it is a very very hard and terrible place to be in but look how amazing you are for reaching out! Please understand that things will get better, there will be a time where you will feel safe and when you can manage your mind, and therefore your feelings better. You are not alone. I've survived the same chaos, I know you can do the same. You just need professional support, so please go through with the care plan on Thursday for it will be the good stepping stone you need to turn your life around. If you are worried that you'd hurt others if you ended your life then you have people who clearly care about you, try reaching out to them, they may not know how bad things are for you and sometimes even a hug can go long way. If you want to talk about anything please let me know, I'm a great listener and talking does help.. I'll give you my email if you like. Please take care of yourself, go for a walk outside if it's not too much, or do something that has made you happy in the past like a hobby. Sending my love

[NatureLover]

Hi @Mystiq , what a lovely post you posted above in support of @Aniblax . I can really feel your care and concern. 

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@Mystiq wrote:

Please understand that things will get better, there will be a time where you will feel safe and when you can manage your mind, and therefore your feelings better. You are not alone. I've survived the same chaos, I know you can do the same. You just need professional support, so please go through with the care plan on Thursday for it will be the good stepping stone you need to turn your life around. 

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I agree with what you say here wholeheartedly. 

I can see you are new to the forums, as well, so welcome! Just a small reminder that the forums are meant to be anonymous, to protect us and so we can write honestly about our MI (mental illnesses). So we aren't allowed to give out our email addresses or post any other identifying info. But it was a kind thought, @Mystiq . 

I hope you are enjoying the forums. 🙂