Functioning with ADHD

[Jynx]

@creative_writer it's a lot hey, and speaks a lot to the systemic issues. Which can help us remove self-blame, but still leaves us very frustrated hey. That's so rough to be in waiting limbo! 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx  it is hard with system issues. I feel like the medical system is designed for men, made for men.

There is also a ND social event later this week in person, but I don’t know if I’m going to go. I may relate better to ND people, but I am afraid of identifying in a social situation

[Jynx]

@creative_writer aye cos... it was. I learned that certain areas of female anatomy weren't mapped until the 90's; prior to that, surgeries performed on female urinary tracts would use the model designed for male anatomy!! I wish I had a source on it but I don't at the moment, but it is definitely not the only example! 

Can I ask what you mean by identifying in a social situation - as in like, you want to remain anonymous?

[creative_writer]

@Jynx also men are taken more seriously with health conditions. Everyone else sort of gets left behind.

Yeah, leaving the anonymity behind is overwhelming, even zoom is different to in person. I would feel more comfy with my camera on than have to go somewhere physically. Maybe it’s my anxiety too. I’ve grown up in a household where I was given the messages to hide my mental health struggles. It is very hard to feel comfortable letting myself be. I would probably vibe with ND better, but social events can be confronting

[Jynx]

@creative_writer yep you nailed it. 

Very legit hun. It can feel really intense to feel so exposed, especially when we aren't used to it. Food for thought - you could do it as an 'experiment'? So one thing I used to struggle with was putting too much 'stock' into a relationship before it had had a chance to bloom. Part of the problem was that I would go into a situation with the goal of making a friend... so my interactions became a lot more forced, and inauthentic. It wasn't about listening and feeling the vibe and connecting, it was about making them like me... People don't like being forced to like someone 😅 Plus, it was also pressure I was putting on myself, and on others, and if I didn't walk away with a phone number or something I felt like a failure. 

So when I say experiment, maybe you could go with the explicit intention of just exposing yourself to something uncomfortable. Maybe the bonus round is to simply have a conversation. That's it, just show up, and mayyyybe talk to someone. That way it won't feel like you have to go and like, immediately fit in with everyone and suddenly have all your social anxiety evaporate cos alas, it just doesn't work that way. What do you think? 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx other thing I could do it start with online, and see if I feel comfortable for face to face. Sometimes it takes a while to be sure they’re your people. Online can feel easier, maybe you feel less exposed and there is less pressure for eye contact. ND probably would understand if I need to divert my eyes away. When I have Telehealth appointments, I naturally start looking away. However, if I am interacting in person, I am making eye contact, maybe it is learnt behaviour.

I also find creative writers are also interesting folks. I think many creative writers are ND or have traits. I probably should be in contact with the lady I met the other day, it’s good to get feedback from friends for your writing

[Jynx]

@creative_writer Ooh good idea! Taking it little steps at a time 😊

Yeah I was chatting about this with an ND mate recently - we find eye contact incredibly exposing, it feels like being very vulnerable. So it sorta feels like if I am gonna look into someone's eyes, it better be in an intimate setting! But alas, the world doesn't work that way. I have been slowly letting myself stop making so much eye contact, and it doesn't seem to bother anyone? Well, no one has said anything anyway 😅

Ooh what lady is this?

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I know it’s a social norm, but it can feel too much, especially during MH appointments. I think I mostly do it as a form of masking, it’s pretty automatic now. The only time I don’t is usually on online platforms, I only realised recently.

I just happen to met her at the library the other week, she is also a writer. Writers are interesting folks, they have this nerdiness

[Jynx]

For whatever reason @creative_writer this reminded me that I still haven't read that book, Autism Unmasked!! Will have to re-add it to my list. Cos yeah, masking becomes automatic, but I think it still wears us down, you know? 

Haha yes I love embracing the nerdy vibe!! Would you say you are a nerdy writer? Hehehe

[creative_writer]

@Jynx  it does wear off eventually. Maybe I feel more comfortable on online platforms, it is also harder to tell if someone is making eye contact on online platforms. Might try to look into that book. I would say I am on the nerdy side. It was cool to meet other writers. I only really got contact of one of them, but you have to start somewhere. I reckon she was around my age. Sometimes I struggle to connect to people my age, maybe I’m too ND and nerdy, I also wonder if trauma and mental health has cause me to grow up fast. I was immature 10 years ago, but I’ve grown more than 10 years since then. My supervisor on placement also said that to be in the social work profession you do need maturity. Maybe that’s why we get so many mature aged students going into MH professions. It takes a lot of emotional maturity and patience to hold space for other people