Contemplating leaving the forums

[Dreamy]

@creative_writer yeah financially I can't cover anything so it's just not worth doing and I can't take medications so that's another reason to not worry about it.

Yeah trauma and graphic details can be really triggering. Humans are definitely complex and i understand that feeling of 2 parts being at war with each other. It's a constant battle really. 

[creative_writer]

@Dreamy I already have to cover other medical costs, an offical diagnosis will add to my expenses.

It’s one thing to say “x happened to me” and another to recount it in detail. I have mixed feelings about discussing trauma in detail. I feel like it can help but also do so much damage. Personally it doesn’t work for me, I gave up talking about it in detail a very long time ago, it just kept me stuck.

It would be good if the two parts could make peace, maybe it’s something that will come with time

[Dreamy]

@creative_writer yes there's a very fine line when it comes to talking about trauma. Some people find it helpful to discuss the details whereas for others it's too much to go into. I hate having to talk about it myself but at the moment I'm living the traumatic events constantly through flashbacks. 

If only those 2 parts could make peace. Maybe it is something that comes with time, one can only hope. 

[creative_writer]

@Dreamy I’ve been having those flashbacks more frequently myself. It’s even harder to talk about during a flashback. Mine tend to be more somatic.

Yes, one can only hope the 2 parts will find peace. I’m still figuring how to address it, I’m not sure yet. What I know is challenging the thoughts aren’t cutting it, I’m still so confused. I might need to do something else

[Dreamy]

@creative_writer the flashbacks are horrible. I see, feel and hear everything happening to me all over again so it's incredibly hard if not impossible to keep myself in the present moment and know what's real and what's not.

There's gotta be a way to get them to work together. Is it something you have chatted to any of your supports about? 

[creative_writer]

@Dreamy it can be really hard experiencing flashbacks. Staying present is a challenge. I’ve had times where I disassociated. I have disconnected from my body to the point I wasn’t even aware I was having a somatic flashback. I find re-connecting to my body very overwhelming. I stick to safer relaxation exercise like breathing and 5 sense grounding. I cannot do body scans without being triggered.

There must be some way, but I haven’t found it yet. It’s hard, I wake up with these paralysing thoughts. There is a lot of thoughts going through my brain right now. It’s overwhelming, but for now, I feel like I must sit in the discomfort because I honestly don’t know what to do. I will try to raise the issue with my psych again

[Dreamy]

@creative_writer I'd never dissociated up until recently so didn't even know what was happening when it started and the flashbacks only started in February. So I haven't found anything that works yet, best thing so far that seems to help sometimes is having a weighted blanket on me and holding something in hands. But when it's happening the whole room starts changing around me. 

I will sit with you with those thoughts. I have woken up with them aswell and they are so intense. It can be hard to sit with but know that you are not alone ❤️. 

[creative_writer]

@Dreamy grounding yourself during a flashback is challenging. Learning how to ground yourself is a work in progress. Weighted blanket and holding something in your hand are amazing grounding strategies 💖

I wake up with the thoughts everyday. I’m hoping it settles once I have my meds soon. I’m too afraid to say too much, so I’ll leave it at that. I’m too scared to post something wrong

[Dreamy]

@creative_writer i keep trying to find things that work but at the moment that's the best I've got and even that's not always helping. 

I hope it settles for you. Take a deep breath and know that we are always here for you ❤️ 

[creative_writer]

@Dreamy all we can do is try 💖. Do you have supports around you to help guide you?

You can’t really think yourself out of OCD. The reason I’m stuck is because I don’t know how to unstuck myself. People may wonder whether you’re ready to move forward or make the effort. I am prepared to move forward but I don’t know how. These thoughts consume me