Advice please!

[Frog8]

Hi all,

I am desperately in need of some advice and third party input.

My partner has a diagnosis of PTSD and also Bi-polar. He takes medication daily for his Bi-polar. However, due to his ongoing refusal to be regularly assessed and reviewed and/or have any counselling therapy as per his Dr's recommendation and referral, I feel his condition is not currently 100% well managed.

He has been experiencing breakthrough episodes of insomnia/hypermania/low mood swings/agitation/verbal aggression and impulsiveness. My partner also has a diagnosis of osteoarthritis in his right hip and knee which is becoming progressively worse and is causing him chronic pain which is also making him moody and angry at the loss of his mobility and ability to participate in the highly physical activities that he enjoys. 

We are currently in the process of purchasing a new home together and I feel he is pressuring me to buy a small, run down shack in a very remote bush setting. This idea frightens me as I would be isolated from my family/friends, social networks and employment opportunities. In the past when we owned a few acres of land, he spent all day from early morning until night in a bobcat behaving quite manically riding up and down digging up dirt and picking up rocks. He would forget to eat/drink all day. I would have to remind him to stop for food/drinks. I also felt like I had to constantly monitor him as on one occasion, he also almost tipped the machine over on top of himself. If I try to explain to him that I do not want to live in a remote area in a sub-standard house that requires a massive clean/reno/update, he becomes either sulky or verbally aggressive I I feel this is intended to wear me down so I will agree to what he wants. I would appreciate some advice/feedback as the situation is making me feel very stressed.  

[Ru-bee]

Hi @Frog8 

I do want to acknowledge that this is a really difficult position to be in and its sounds like both your awareness of your partner's diagnoses and your obvious love and care for him make this situation all the more complicated and complex. However, from an outside perspective it is concerning that you are worried that your partner might badger you into a living situation that makes you feel frightened. 

I understand and sympathise with his own difficulties, but it doesn't give someone a pass to behave in an aggressive manner. I'm wondering if you've spoken to your loved ones or any supports about this? Perhaps it might feel a bit easier to stand firm in your decision if you know you have the support of those around you?

I would also encourage you to take a look at the 1800Respect website, and perhaps reach out to them regarding this. They specialise in supporting people to have healthy and respectful relationships and could provide some good insight and guidance from that perspective

[Frog8]

Thank you so much for your advice. I really appreciate it and also having a third person perspective. 

What you say is so true and I know deep down my partner's behaviour is unacceptable and I do make excuses for him because of his diagnosis of Bi-polar. One of my daughters has voiced her concerns to me regarding his forceful behaviour when it comes to getting his own way. My mother is also concerned regarding his wanting me to live in a remote area where I would be isolated from my support networks. He wears me down with his persistent manipulative and controlling behaviour and playing the victim card. Everything feels like it is all about what he wants. I will contact 1800RESPECT for advice. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply and for caring enough to do so ❤️😍 It is most appreciated.

[sunnydays1]

I really empathise with both of you.
Please make sure you have counselling so you don't 'fall over' emotionally.
We had to purchase a home in a small rural town far from our previous long term home and unfortunately regret our choice of location.
Sir is in a home now and I have no friends or family here. A friendly welcoming support network is very important for you both,
sending love