Life and trauma

[Former-Member]

@MJG017 taking it easy sounds like a good idea. I feel so flat today and just blah. I've got no energy to do anything other than just keep breathing. 

Yes if not being able to switch it off at least having something other than these thoughts racing through me. 

[MJG017]

@Former-Member 

Im not sure i even remember what energy feels like.  If i can get some stuff done during the day, then thats a good day.  My idea of getting stuff done doesnt really include much anymore. 

I done nothing today but sit here and watch random youtube videos.  I like learning anything and there is a lot of very interesting stuff on youtube.... its just finding it that can be difficult.  Ive learnt some crazy things over the years 😁  Stuff i never thought id have the slightest interest in, but i just get right into some of these videos.  Thank god i can watch it all without ads!  The app i use on my TV to watch YT had an issue a month or 2 ago where the adblock feature didnt work for a few hours until it was updated.  I lasted about 10 minutes before the ads got so annoying I just went outside and found something else to do.  I probably just watched the ducks or the clouds or something.  Yes, my life is that dull! 😁

[Former-Member]

@MJG017 i don't get much done during the day either at the moment. Even just going to the shops takes everything out of me. 

There's definitely heaps of stuff on YouTube to watch and some very interesting things. Ads are so annoying and there's way too many these days. Nothing wrong with watching ducks or clouds. Today I spent a while watching 6 kittens play so that was entertaining and I got some cuddles from dogs and cats. 

[MJG017]

@Former-Member 

Ooww... 6 kittens!  That must have been fun to watch.  What a bonus to get some cat and dog cuddles as well.  

I know!  So many ads everywhere!  I just cant watch yourube with all the ads so the SmartTube app is just a lifesaver to be able to watch ad free!

[Former-Member]

@MJG017 it was fun and kept me occupied for a while. But right now everything has just come crashing down and I feel like I'm going to snap. How can moods go from being somewhat ok to wanting to end it all so quickly. Like it's not even a build up, it just hits like a tonne of bricks. This is when I'm massively at risk of losing control cos it's so sudden and I don't even know why. 

[MJG017]

@Former-Member 

I can't answer that.  Im not sure anyone who hasn't experienced it, or has enough training could!  I guess the positive is it proved distracting yourself is possible, but the depression and anxiety hits back hard when the distraction is over

Come to think of it, I have found during the past 12 months if i do manage to be actually having a fun time with some (rare, but it has happened) then once its over the thought inevitably pops into my head that "oh, thats right.  Thats what fun was like when i didnt have all this crap hanging over me!"  Then its like everything going wrong just floods back in an instant.  Its hard to then get that intense depression and anxiety out of my head!  Luckily for me, those really fun times dont come around that often anymore. No one wants to be around someone which so much depressing stuff going on.  Well intentioned or not, you're pretty much left alone.  Its like the whole world just writes you off!  I guess thats why its so important to do what we can to support others going through their own troubles.  I find doing that helps me mentally as well.

[Jynx]

Just popping in to touch base @Former-Member sounds like you're having a real rough time. Want some company? Are you feeling unsafe at all?

[Former-Member]

@MJG017 it was nice to be distracted for a while, it was a good couple of hours that i was just ok for a bit. 

It's such a horrible thing though, forgetting what it's like to have fun. I often forget about the good times I've had in life cos there's way too many bad things. It's like when it comes to mental health that noone knows how to deal with you so they distance themselves from you, which really is the last thing you need. But those that have gone and going through mental health know what it's like end usually try their best to support others. 

[Former-Member]

@Jynx things are really tough at the moment, and whilst I thought I was somewhat ok earlier, it's all just come crashing down. I'd love some company. 

[Jynx]

@Former-Member can be really frustrating when it hits outta nowhere hey... 

Course!! Can chat about all sorts - happy to listen if you wanna get anything off your chest! Otherwise hmmm.... you a crafty person? Got any hobbies or artistic endeavours you're currently working on?