Life and trauma

[Former-Member]

@MJG017 hopefully you are feeling less tired today? 

Kittens and puppies really can have the smelliest farts. Haha to the incident comment, that's just classic 🤣

Yes I've had many more panic attacks since then 😞

[BPDSurvivor]

Hello @Oaktree ,

Thank u for remembering me and tagging. I'm on school holidays so I've got too much time - that's why I'm a little everywhere. I'm used to working so much, so when I'm on school holidays, I've have days, hours, and minutes to fill. Then again, I have work I have to do before I go back to school, but I'm procrastinating.

In Victoria, we have a new curriculum so I need to do the planning for all year levels - primary and high school. Joys of leading certain parts of the curriculum. Schools are messy.... then again, if I choose to move schools, I'll leave the education system altogether I reckon...

I think I need to write a list. Lists help me stay focussed. 

[BPDSurvivor]

hello @Former-Member , sorry I haven't replied for a long time. Hope u r ok.

[Former-Member]

@BPDSurvivor Hi, you're OK. I'm definitely not ok but I'm still here. 

[BPDSurvivor]

Im average... not pumped or anything, but was hoping to do something productive on the computer... but just ended up here @Former-Member 

at least i get to see you. hope things get better for you.

[Former-Member]

@BPDSurvivor i think being here is still being productive. It's still doing something. 

I'm glad you are here and have chatted to me, it means alot. I want them to get better but I'm really not sure it's possible. 

[MJG017]

@Former-Member 

I met my biological sister a few year ago and we were talking about how we had some similar mental health issues.  i.e., mainly depression and anxiety.  Hers were worse than mine because she had bad panic attacks, some of which had her needing to got to hospital.  She told me how unhelpful they were.  How they would just basically monitor her for a little while and then send her home saying there was nothing they can do.

Then early last year, I had one in the middle of the night.  After it, I remember what she said to be and I had a very new appreciation of how hard it would be to keep having them.  Having them as regularly as you do, I honestly don't know how you do it.  I actually woke up in the early hours this morning and started thinking about my oncology appointment on Thursday and started to feel the panic starting.  I actually thought of how much you had dealt with how so much more difficult it must be compared to the 'bit' of panic I felt rising.  And it helped me to get my mind off of it.

I tell you this just to remind you of how much strength and resilience you've shown.  And I really think that once you start to get on top of things, those qualities will allow you to go on and do damn well anything you put your mind to.

[Former-Member]

@MJG017 I'm sorry you started to feel panicked, it's a horrible feeling and your sister would be so frustrated from it aswell. I'm glad you were able to find some calm. It's incredibly hard having them so often and with the intensity that they are now. I really hope your appointment goes ok on Thursday, I can't imagine how much it would be playing on your mind and all the uncertainty. 

[Former-Member]

@MJG017 i really don't know if I have it in me to go through this again. 

[MJG017]

@Former-Member  Another panic attack or you need to make the call again?