I wrote this long message - ok h here it is ,-
I visited this mother, someone I used to know, but I haven't seen her for a year because I feel she is an awful mum to her adult children.
And - I saw her to remind myself how easily I could slip into that with my own sons.
My oldest, the 34-year-old, he's smart, finally finding his own path. At 15, my own mum pulled him away, sent him to my brother. We've had years of silence.
Yesterday,
He sent me a message, basically saying I'm still pushing too hard and being selfish.
Last week, when he visited me, He did tell my therapist he loves me, though, which I'm holding onto.
I get it.
I have my support:
husband,
therapist,
the carers (yeah, they're hit or miss),
my drawing teacher.
So, I apologized and told him I'd back off.
Then, I saw this other mother again. She's telling me who her sons should be with, what they 'need.' It was uncomfortable, but I needed to see it, to feel what it's like to be that parent who can't let go.
She moved on to her daughter, and it was just...
ugh. I needed to see how it messes them up, these adult kids. Because, honestly, a lot of her stuff hits close to home.
My 34-year-old, he's not perfect, but I see now that if I try to rush him, it'll just backfire. He needs to figure this out on his own, break free from his own patterns. He's trying, and I need to let him.
So my youngest son - omg he's the real adult here.
My oldest heaps of years of therapy to my youngest who gets on the phone, tells me off to stop treating him like a child ........
Tells me he loves me heaps and see you soonish.
@rav3n @tyme @Oaktree @Gremlin24 @avant-garde @Appleblossom @Meowmy @Dimity
Then.....
I met up with this carer who continuously called and texted me. I met her for coffee so she could have closure. Iv been pulled to pieces whilst she told me -
Iv made her broke and she has to find more work.
She never ever said what she said to my husband " how does it feel not to have as much power over ........than I do ?"
She sat there and listed everything iv made her feel for an hour whilst I profoundly apologised.
That all her family members and friends saw her crying but she never ever would tell them why she was crying.
A whole hour of apologies.
