Safe Haven

[Former-Member]

Soon, I'll see them soon .... @outlander 

Okay, must be off, food is up in a minute. You have a great day, hon. 

[outlander]

will be back after appt @Former-Member id rather give you a better response than a rushed one and also i dont mind you tagging me anytime

[Former-Member]

Surely @outlander drive safely, which Im sure you always do. 

We shall talk later. Good wishes.

[outlander]

'floating' to me (others may have other opionions of course) but to me its accepting where we are right now and things can be put aside for now until some strength is regained.  ie we are physiclally sick and need to focus on that a little more atm rather than finding solutions to our mh problems. do the bare minimum and the basics- hygeine, sleep/rest, eating, drinking- if possible some exercise and doing the things you like to do like arts and crafts. so yes kinda like what you said too as well as recognising thats all you can do right now. does that make sense? 

oh im glad youve found some crafty sites i often look at lots of art stuff too 

@Former-Memberalso hoping you managed some rest today

[Former-Member]

Ah, yes, I see @outlander. I don't know what I call it, it's just a state of being for me, something I have learned to mostly ... accept, at least for a time. When I have to not do things, well, of course, I have to, just like when I have to do things to get an outcome I want, I just have to. Yeah, don't know what I'd call it. 

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Today is a much better day, thank goodness, feeling better than I have for months, so a good day so far. Have washed up and tidied floors (vacuumed - if I'm going to be sick, I want to be sick in a nice clean tidy place - how's that for silliness - probably comes from all the hospital stays for surgeries and illnesses over the years). 

Only thing that really needs thinking about today is what to do about running out of bread. Choices are making bread, making damper, making scones. I'm thinking damper as it will be more effective I think. 

Sewing projects that might be done today too. A couple of small things to catch up on. 

Yes, that will help with feel good feelings too. 

[outlander]

you can call it whatever you like @Former-Member or not a name at- whatever works for you really as long as your getting through the days ok/ish.

sounds like the meds are working which is good, being sick is the worst. hope you got what you needed to do today done and it was ok for you, thanks your your support on my thread as well earlier today

[outlander]

hey @Former-Member how are you going? youve been pretty quiet too, hoping everythings going ok, but know we are here for you too

[outlander]

@Former-Member 💌💌
Hoping you can check in soon.

[outlander]

Thank you @Former-Member im here if you want to talk ❤

[Former-Member]

Good Morning @outlander thank you for thinking of me. It is very kind of you to check in with me. 

I hope you are doing okay yourself. I have not read anywhere else just yet, so am not up to date, I'm sorry.

Update for anyone interested. 

Yes, it has been a lilttle while now since I was here.

Firstly, the infection that cancelled my sleep test then got worse and I had to see a second gp not my own, for more meds for it. The longer time on one of the meds increased the nausea to a debilitating level. Thankfully, that med is now finished. Only a day left on the other one now. 

Managed to see my usual gp on Tuesday which I was quite looking forward to in a way because I'd decided I would ask for anti-depressants as the situation has gotten out of my control.

My management plan was to get something to lift myself out of the currently deep depression so I could undertake the sleep test without the accompanying anxieties that the situation holds for me. 

What followed was something I could not have expected, not in my wildest dreams. This is a gp who I have had come to trust,not completely, but more than I trust most these days. It turns out that something has concerned the gp to the extent that no more medications will be given until I do the sleep test. There was also lots of talk about tests for cancer because of a familial death from it and my stomach issue. This does nto concern me, but I was interested to note how differently I would be treated if cancer showed to be present. Apparently all barriers to treatments would be removed. Gobsmacked I was. 

I was, and am, devastated. My anxieties are through the roof, really seriously, and my depression is such that it's a major effort to type this. I can't think, I'm constantly crying or teary.

I was this bad before seeing the gp which was why I wanted something to help - I don't ask for anti depressants because there's other issues with most of them for me and the gp is aware of that. We had discussed the option at the last session before gp went on holidays, so this refusal was a big surprise to me. 

The reason - because anything given might supress the waking reflex and I might not wake up and he'd be responsible for not using best practices and prosecuted for my death.

The legalities of duty of care are something I do understand, but I'm already taking sleep inducers each night, and am expected to take them to get through the sleep test, so it doesn't make sense. 

I'm being blackmailed into doing the sleep test when I really am not in a place to be able to do it without causing some serious emotional overload for me. But, there it is - do it or medical services are being withheld. There is nothing else I can do.

So, sleep test is to be tonight. 

I'm just dead inside. 

I'd like to talk it out with someone, but there's no help to be had, nothing to be done to change anything and I don't even know what I'd say to talk it out.

I think I'm in shock because speaking coherently about it is just impossible. Thankfully the pharmacy people are good, kind and caring and understood me through the crying to get the appointment sorted. 

Maybe it will all go okay and then I'll get to find out what the big issue that has suddenly scared the gp is.

Apparently if it is lack of oxygen, then all my woes will go away with the fitting and use of a cpap machine.

Yeah, right, I believe in magic and fairies and flying pigs too.