Lived Experience Forum

[Appleblossom]

I am here too @outlander  Listening.

[outlander]

Thanks @Zoe7

Tomorrow mums asked me to come to an easter event with her and the girls and that parts ok, the problem is the people at the event are really uncomfortable to be around and awkward for me. they are very nosey and it can be hard to answer their questions when alot of the things they ask arent really any of their bussiness. Theres that and then theres also alot of people who are good friends with my abuser (he wont be there thankfully) so im feeling quite unsure of going.


Would you have any tips or suggestion on how to cope through this event? it goes for a few hrs but even my mother has said she wants to try and leave at the earliest convenience.

[outlander]

thank you @Appleblossom i hadnt seen your msg till now. the above post would be addressed to you as well if you dont mind

[Zoe7]

I personally wouldn't go with all those triggers around. But if you have to then stick to yourself and/or your family. If people ask you too many questions then answer politiely but simply. At some stage also you need to be able to deal with these situations and find ways to get through so what can you do for yourself to help yourself get through? @outlander 

[Appleblossom]

Maybe think of people in circles of closeness. @outlander  These people are obviously not in your inner circle so they do not need to know anything about you.  Often the best way can be a firm slightly upbeat energy that rebuffs comments without giving anything away ... eye roll ... laugh ... shrug them off ...

or "I am good ... and you?"  putting it back on them in the one phrase ...

I am glad you mother wants to leave early so that it is not too much strain.

[outlander]

I had already agreed before i knew who was attending which was abit silly but your right i will have attend them at some point so i will try my best.
For these events even without them i tend to stick to myself or if i am around them i try to sit back as much as possible. i feel really rude not engaging but the more i do the more questions and often unhelpful/very judgemental suggestions pop up so i guess i could see it more as a self care/protection sort of way.

there will be quite a few kids there playing on the park and things so maybe i could offer to help watch some of the younger kids or taken them for a scooter/bike ride on the track as a way of being there but not being there.

i like your idea of answering politely but simply too.

would maybe looking for an end goal would be ok? im running an easter egg hunt just for the sisters and 2 of their friends so ill get to watch them do that afterwards...


i find i need quite abit of breathers and space though so im not to sure how i could take those shorter breaks without making it obvious or seeming rude though

[Zoe7]

You seem to have it sorted @outlander 

[outlander]

thank you @Appleblossom
i try to be brief in my answers even though i feel rude. i try to avoid them quite alot too. With peoplle there that are close to my abuser its kinda like hes living through them to get to me (even if thats not the case) so its like share and tell or thats what it feels like so im always careful with what i say too

[Former-Member]

Hi @outlander  Im here now too. Just dinner out of the way, and settling in to watch my Sydney Swans play in the AFL tonight. About to start.

I agree with @Zoe7  I would not have gone.  But at least your mum is planning on leaving early. I tend to spend time with the kids when I can. Much more comfortable doing that than with adults, whom I never feel I can be myself with.  Hi @Zoe7 @Snowie 

So .. Brace yourself, and hope to get out of there asap!

Sherry 😳

[outlander]

thank you for your help @Zoe7 much appreciated xo