Lived Experience Forum

[Zoe7]

@Maggie @CheerBear ...for each of your tricky at the moment...

...because you both have so much of that light within you 

[Maggie]

@Zoe7  I hope today is a soft landing for both you and your kids. So much time and preparation has gone into these pom-pom animals. Enjoy all you can. You deserve it.

Thanks for the pic, really appreciate your thoughtfulness.

[Maggie]

@CheerBear  Yes, Home and Away was good, one of the few shows I actually watch.

Yes the”  I’m fine “, response, even when I’m not. I was talking about it yesterday with my counsellor. I actually don’t know how to not be “ Fine “ outside. I guess I still have a lot of deprogramming to do. We see it as always having been the caretaker of others, then instilled by choices that further ingrained the caretaking rolls. That and a no self image created a perfect partnership. Oh the journey continues.

Some dottng today I think.

Do you have any any today?

Hope you renewed some energy last night, at least the lawn is done.

Enjoy what you can today.😁😁

[CheerBear]

Morning @Maggie, as I pick up another cuppa 🙂 And hi to everyone who might call by.

Glad you enjoyed Home and Away. There aren't many shows I find myself able to sit and watch for long, but occasionally I find a series I get into. Orange is the New Black is the one I'm enjoying at the moment.

I hear you with your not knowing how to be not fine on the outside. Interesting to hear what's behind that "I'm fine" outside for you and that it comes in part from your caring of others. There's a bit/a lot of that for me too from my co-parenting days with a not OK other parent and now in having total care of and responsibility for the littler people. I worry a lot about what happens to our family if I am not fine. Mine is also a control thing too I think. I'm terrified of losing control and "I'm fine" face kind of forces me to keep at least part of myself together. That's definitely been reinforced by social systems and structures, as I'm sure it has been for many of us.

Do you think there's something about your "I'm fine" that also comes from not having a significant other? I wonder whether it would have been different for me if I'd had someone to lean on and someone to share the responsibilities with. Someone who it was OK to be not fine with and someone who could share the load when I'm not fine.

The other day I argued (quite fiercely) with a family support worker who was trying to make it OK for me to take it off. I said that for all others might disapprove of having such a strong I'm fine-ness, for some (many even) of us it is a deeply ingrained and perhaps necessary even, survival skill. It is absolutely part of why my family is still together and why I am still standing. It's exhausting and it's not idealand it hurts me, but in a way it keeps me keeping on. Supported, gentle challenges from others can help, but having someone try to pry it off isn't always so helpful. I don't know if that's OK for you to hear and I am sorry if it isn't, but I wanted to share that I find there is some OK about having a stubborn "I'm fine" outside that goes alongside what's not grrat about it.

It's good to hear you have some dotting today (and some fancy tools to do it with!). I might get to some too. I have a psych appointment this morning and he is someone who is safe to be not fine with. I might sit and find my calm in some carefully placed metallic dots after the appointment.

I have written a novel (sorry). No pressure to read or reply ever.

Hope there's good in there for you today ❤

[Maggie]

@CheerBear  I sooo get the control one. And yes, if we are the only ones keeping it together, how sensible are we to stay .” Fine “. And a huge yes to survival skills. I don’t ever think it’s right for anyone to pry off our “ Fineness”.

I’m a strong believer in respect, and that needs to be in allowing us to hang onto and let go of, what is our choice.

I think trauma robs us of choice and so much more.

Much of mine started in being born female, then an abusive childhood left be being a parent to my parents and brothers. On top of that the system taught me to put myself last and serve everyone, which I seemed born with the skills to do. Talk about upside down, back to front, inside out.

Yes, not ever having someone to lean on has been a huge factor. Even with a very reliable social worker in my life, I’m always ready for the walk out. Do you find many of you friends acquaintances lean on you, even though you might have the MI label and they don’t ??? And @CheerBear  You don’t have to read or reply. It’s a bit muddled, but I really wanted to get it out. Sorry you have to unmuddle. 💜💕☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️

[CheerBear]

I read your post this morning with all the 'yes' feels that come when someone gets something @Maggie. I yes-ed the whole way through. And yes I find family/friends/acquaintances maybe can lean on me, though to be fair I probably offer that a bit/a lot and having an outside that appears strong and together maybe makes that be a thing too.

I thought of you on the way home from my appointment this morning. Psych and I spoke about developmental stuff which is right up there with my least favourite stuff to go near, but dying parent seems to have that forcing it's way to the surface. We talked about the way early life shapes later life, just as you touched on. Fine face as a learned behaviour and survival skill - fun times.

We also spoke about vulnerability with psych suggesting that having a pretty serious fear of vulnerability might be playing into "totally fine-ness". I wonder if that's something you experience also.

The good was he asked me to find a calming, distracting, mindfulness based activity to do as time out. I was one step ahead of him which he saw when I showed him a picture of my dotting. You're on to a winner Maggie 💚

Muddled is OK, though tricky. Sorry you have to unmuddle too. I hope your day is going well enough.

💐

[Former-Member]

Hi @Maggie @CheerBear @Zoe7 @Shaz51  @Teej @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope and all lovely people here. Especially those who have been supporting and caring towards me through this “yucky” time. 

Well, Hospital was contacted. 2 hours later someone returned the call. Basically said, go to emergency and sit and wait to be seen. Usually at least a 4 hour wait. I’m not well enough to sit in emergency.  

They also said that if I did get admitted to hospital, they would diagnose and medicate me. I have tried just about every medication there is. (Slight over exaggeration). But my body couldn’t tolerate trying another medication. So I’ll just have to get myself out of this mess alone. 

Thankyou for your support/kindness etc. 

Today I’ve been trying to rest. Yesterday was a complete disaster. 

Thinking of you all. 

Take care. 🌷🌸💖💜😘

[CheerBear]

Oh @Former-Member 🙁 That sounds full on. Can they send someone out to see you? That's what happens here most of the time.

Big 💗 and thinking of you.

[Teej]

Great idea @CheerBear . 

Thinking of you @Former-Member . 💜🤗🌸

[Former-Member]

At the moment, I give up. No energy to find out who to ring. All too hard.  

Lady was very abrupt and quite rude. I really don’t feel up to dealing with people like that. 

Thanks though. 

@CheerBear @Teej 

💖🌺