Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

I am so stressed, my anxiety level is really high.  I have so much stress at work at the moment.  A young girl resigned two weeks ago, they employed someone else who is hopeless.  Now i have been so much more extra work, responsibility that i don't know if i can do it.  The area manager of our store came in today and was shwoing me so much stuff that it has gone over my head.  And i can't ring her to ask her to repeat it again because that makes me feel so useless and dumb.  She told me she is coming back next month to do an audit of our store. she then said we need to planogram each section of the store to our it is meant to be according to the print outs.  she kept going on and on and on. 

i am home now stressing and thinking of all the work that has to be done.  i can ask the other girl to help me but she is so hopeless i am doing work at the moemnt for two people.

i don't know how to cope with all of this; all i want to do is cry because i am so overwhelmed with the amount of work put on me.  and its not my responsibiity i am not paid to be a manager and nor do i wnat it either.  and i don't get paid enough to be stressing so much.

i don't know what to do.  i feel like i want to scream, yell, cry, and run away. i can't cope with all of this; its bad enough going through my own personal issues; i hate life

[NikNik]

Hi @BlueBay

Big virtual hug!

I have been in your situation before. When you're learning new stuff on the job, it can be really hard. In my experience, a good work colleague / manager is very open to being asked questions. It's completely understandable to not pick up everything in one go (It's not you!).

In the morning, (or if it's keeping you up over night), grab a notepad and write down as many questions as you can. Once you feel like you've got them out of your system (this might take a couple of days - while you're at work, some questions might come up too) you can call this person and ask all the questions at once and take notes.

It's completely normal when you're learning something new to have to have it explained a few times, apply it and perhaps get it wrong a few times - that's how you learn.

For me I'd rather have someone ask me a million times, rather than stress, be worried and let them hold them back from doing the work.

As for your co-worker, maybe think of her as a blank slate 🙂 You can teach her and show her how it's done. Keep in mind what you're going through at the moment is probably what the young girl is going through with you - perhaps to nervous to speak up or worried about how you will react. 

You mentioned you have a wonderful pharmacist there - could you have a chat with him too perhaps?

[BlueBay]

Hi @NikNik

I couldn't sleep last night and woke up at 4.45am, started thinking about work and it was all overwhelming and i started to cry.  All i could see was so much work to do.  But now I am up and having breakfast, i have read your post and what I will do is - go to work this morning, write down a list of jobs for both new staff members and I have to be specific with the jobs because one of them decided to do something that she thought was a good idea and when i got in to work on Wednesday it was 'not a good idea'!!! So then it took me an hour to sort out through her stuff before I could start my job.  Trouble is I work on a Monday with one lady, Tuesday (day off) Wednesday the other new lady, Thurs/Friday with another lady.

It's doing my head in. I am running around trying to do so much, half jobs getting done bedause everything else needs doing. And i can't do it all on my own.  So I need to start writing down jobs for the staff and step back a bit.  But even that is hard because i know if the shop isn't looking good it will fall back on me and I can't take criticisim.  i find it extremely hard to accept that something wasn't right. I struggle with having to get things right all the time.  It's that black and white thinking - it's either good or bad; right or wrong. God now i am crying.

Why do i have to cry so much.  i hate it.

i think i need to sit down and talk to the pharmacist.  But in my head it makes me feel so inadequate because i can't do it.  And i know its because of my depression/anxiety/BPD that is causing me so much stress.

I'll let you know how I go today.  Wish me luck but I'm feeling stressed

[CherryBomb]

Hi @BlueBay,

How did your day at work to today? It sounds like you're taking on so much responsibility on your own at work.

Does your manager know this? Are they someone they you can have a chat tomorrow.

As you mentioned in the Friday Feast tonight, you're heading out to the movies over the week. I'm glad that you are getting some R&R after a stressful week. 

[believeinme]

When I'm working, I feel like this, too. I want to work, but I fear these same types of scenarios. I used to not be like this, and it's very hard and stressful. It makes me want to cry not being understood at work. I hope things get better for you.

[BlueBay]

Hi @CherryBomb @NikNik

Work hasn't really improved.  Do I leave? Do I stay? 

The thing is I work so close to home (5 min drive); I have been there for 2 years and previous to that I was there for 4 yrs (about 6 yrs ago).  I love the customers (most of them).

It's just the workload put on me; the responsbility put on me - all because I am the most senior person there. 

I can't handle stress, deadlines, dates to do things, I get so stressed with all of that.

And the one thing that really shits me at the moment is a colleague of mine (who is also a friend) just doesn't understand why I get so worked up about things.  Maybe it's my depression, BPD doesn't help; but she doesn't see things like I do.  And it just annoys the crap out of me - because I feel that I am the 'loser' I am 'the weak one' because I dont stand up to myself; 

When I am like this all i want to do is run away, hide, don't go to work.  But then that means no pay as I don't have any sick leave left. 

I feel so stuck. I wish there was any easier answer.

I don't have the confidence to look for another job and if I did leave i wouldn't get a job so close to home, which would mean more petrol, coming home later etc

I must sound like a real nagger, a person who can't deal with anything. Well that's how I feel 😞

[BlueBay]

I'm so over work. So over putting on a happy face. Over it completely. Sick of customers. Sick of everyone. Should have stayed home in bed. Damn stupid decisions that I make.

[Decadian]

Hi @BlueBay

I am pretty sure it's work that's doing a number on you - this is so tough

I wrote something in your other thread - because you seemed to be okay over the long weekend - and it seems that yesterday pushed you past your stress load - and that's no good

Here's what I think - you are good at your job - but right now it's too hard - and you get your work done but you have a colleague who likes to pick-pick-pickety-pickety-pick-pick-pick at you and she should take a good look at herself

Just imagine - you have a little bit of dust in your eye and she has a tree growing in hers and she has to pick-pick-pick

You are not weak  because you get stressed - she knows this - but she thinks she has the right - and  she doesn't

But what do you do?

So - I know you need the money but put that aside for a moment

What are you working for?

Mostly we work for the money - and that's not wrong.

We work for our self-esteem - and that's not wrong

We work for the social aspect of being in the work force - and that's not wrong

And we work for the satisfaction of doing the job - and that's not wrong

But if you are working for the money alone - then that's a bummer

So about your self-esteem, social life, work satisfaction - how do these hold in?

It seems to me that the whole work thing for you is because the money is so very important - but compared to your health  - not worth it atm

But you enjoy your job otherwise - and you do not need the pickety-pick up your nose - she probably knows she is getting to you

As you were dealing with issues with your mother - you learned I think that it was damaging your health - and whatever continues there is reality - and you have the issues between your husband and mother-in-law

So I don't know what you should do - I don't like advice much myself - suggestions - yes

But you are between a rock and a hard place - and if you were less stressed - you would be okay at work

So I will stop for now - but when I read a post of yours - I take it in seriously - I can tell that the circumstances of your life are really pushing you

Decadian    [hugs]

[NikNik]

Hi @BlueBay

There's not much worse than feeling invalidated by someone. Your own emotions are your own truth. It can be really hard for people to put aside their own experiences and what they 'think' it's like, and think objectively. So while it's crappy that your friend made you feel as though you shouldn't be feeling this way, it doesn't mean your wrong. Your feelings are valid.

It's great that you love your customers - it's probably why you're good at your job! 

Do you feel clear on your role and responsibility? Is there a position description you have access to that you can review. I find this helpful as it's a good basis of a conversation with a manager. You can either use it to highlight responsibilities you are doing that aren't listed on the position description - which will help allocate them elsewhere OR you could negotiate reducing your responsibilities. 

Do you think having more boundaries and clarity around your role and responsibility would be useful?

[BlueBay]

 Hi @NikNik and @Decadian

At the moment I am working for (a) money (b) because it's close to home and I know the place, the job.

But on the other hand if we sold our home, downsized the land and maybe i could cut back another day then i wouldn't have to work for the money so much.

I can't think properly, tonight i am so angry with work. this one particular friend of mine who works with me has really annoyed me today.

I had to fix the eptfos machine today and i am so over being taken advantage of. And i am not getting paid extra for any of this. They just give you more and more for the same little pay i get. it just annoys me so much

I don't have a job description, nothing was ever given to me because i was employed and interviewed over the phone, as I had worked there before the pharmacist knew me.

But now I am doing so much more, tonight i am going to write out all the extra jobs i do.

i am so angry, tonight i need a drink to calm down.  and then my friend says to me when we left tonight - oh dont take it to heart, i know you take it to heart.  well that's because i am a good worker and take pride in my work, but when something goes wrong i panic, i stress. when pressure is put on me i don't cope.

wish i could disappear; i can't handle all this anymore. 

Yes @Decadian i think i was a lot calmer over the long weekend.

i don't know what to do anymore