Lived Experience Forum

[Aimee]

Okay so new to being bipolar and wow the ups and downs I have experienced over the last months have been so scary. Had to take time off work again this whole week due to the huge depression hole I fell into again could barely shower myself super dizzy and just numb, was super stressed before this episode so must have triggered the down?? No medications yet as I really need my doctor to be on board and not just giving me this that and the other to try as I have had some terribly bad experiences in the past where the docs just hand out pills instead of working with me to really see the best course of action to take, because of this I am so scared to medicate but I need the support right now. My poor husband is being so supportive and I want to get better for the both of us, I'm only 26 yrs old and need to get it together already. Even though hubby is being supportive I still feel so so alone as he doesn't understand what is going on in the inside and I feel myself pushing him away as I'm super ashamed of my self at the moment.
Am sooooo happy to have found this forum and thank you so much for listening to me.
My biggest most worrying thing is that I quit my job today as physically I could not bear the thought of going back, hubby and I are trying to save but I just quit and feel so guilty for letting him down again. I'm going to try for a similar job in a different environment next week and I guess I'm just nervous and been trying to convince myself all day that I did the write thing?
Thanks everybody!!

[Appleblossom]

Hi @Aimee

I have tended to one who leaves jobs too.  Sometimes I have regretted it long term, but mostly it was done for reasons that were right at the time. Thoughrecently I wrote a poem and read it to my writing group about my nostalgia for being in the puclic service .. which was a while ago .. Everyone laughed as it seemed so unlikely to want to be at work .. but there are emotional pluses from the workplace that are being recognised more and more.

My son also left 3 jobs in quit mode. I freaked out internally each time, but I had to recognise that he also did the right thing for him each time.  He had stuck out a bad situation for over a year in each of those jobs. I couldnt ask for more than that.  Its all a learning process.  Hope you get something you prefer.

[mrkotter]

@Aimee what a rough time you are having at the moment. How are you feeling today? 

Cycling rapidly is tough, it's like going through the spin cycle on the washing machine over and over. It's quite emotionally draining.

Have you been able to take some time out today? Maybe you've been able to do some things you find rewarding. I always finds this helps in these situations. 

Where are you with the doctor? It's always a tought decision to decide to take medication. And that takes time. I hope he/she is working with you on this to map out the best course of action. 

I've always found it hard to talk to people about bipolar and my episodes. I classify people into three different groups based on their level of understanding. Those who have it, those close to it (family and doctors), and everyone else. 

While those in the second group don't get it like we do they do understand how tough it is and really do care. You say your husband is being really supportive - maybe you shouldn't be so tough on yourself? 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Aimee

I'm new to all this now and understand how distressing it all is for you.

Have a look at the link below, I had so many people offer me advise and insights in bipolar, you are definitely not alone.

http://saneforums.org/t5/Our-experience-stories/New-to-bipolar/m-p/63385#U63385

Take good care of yourself.

[utopia]

Dear @Aimee. Thank you for sharing sone of your stories and fears.
I do not have Bipolar so I cannot assist with that. However with my MI I can totally relate ti the guilt you feel.
When I feel I have 'failed' at a situation, my negative self talks so much that I start believing that these self thoughts must be real *telling the truth'. If I am able to, I stop and listen to a thought & then I can dismiss them as not being true facts.
Do you think you may be able to do that with issues like quitting your job? Are you able to listen to those negative thoughts and dismiss them for what they really are - just words that are not true.
Feelings of guilt can't be helping your MI. So I hope my comments help in some way.