Lived Experience Forum

[1stepup61]

Hi all, i would like to tell you my story, so you can get to know me. i have called myself step up because i felt it time i do something for myself, but i suppose i already am, by continuing to get through each day! i have been diagnosed Clinical Depression with psycosis, OCD, GAD, hoarding and avoidance disorder, my first bout of major depression was when i was 11 and i have been battling ever since. i have had lots of counselling which has helped me over the years and i have read whatever self help book i could to learn about why? But its time now for functional action, instead of living in my head. But, i have been so scared to move forward again, really i have been frozen with fear. the counselling has challenged my thinking and i now know its all about feeling safe in my world. So, my journey continues, as i keep trying to get well. My last crisis began in 2008 and i was admitted in 2012. I have a good GP, who has an imterest in mental health. Having a good gp has been key for me, because i have needed medication & other services and a caring GP will help, so i have been lucky to find good medical support when i have been in crisis. i am realising i need to accept my mental illnesses will be a part of my life always, at different levels from ok to severe. so, its time i put the knowledge i learnt over the years as an inpatient and outpatient. My OCD doesn't make doing stuff easy, but i have learnt exposure therapy and that seems to work, its just very slow and thats ok! So, what i hope to gain from this forum, is to learn from you all about your ways to get well or what helps you through your day and it is a safe area i can build up my confidence with communicating again wiith others. A link to the outside world while i begin to move forward and learn to take care of myself again. Its nice to meet you all, you have been all so kind and welcoming, so thank you! Bye & take care, Stepup.

[Appleblossom]

Hi Stepup I like your attitude. We are all trying .. and learning ... Apple

[Mazarita]

Hi @1stepup61,

Like you, I spent a lot of years trying to understand why I was the way I was without it necessarily leading to much practical action. Sometimes the search for answers to the question seemed to get me into further trouble. I too have come to accept that mental illness is likely to be an ongoing part of my life, as it has been since I was a child (I'm now 53).  I also know the feeling of being quite frozen with fear, spending lots of time (some years) living almost completely inside my flat. But in about the past year, since arriving on this forum, things have started to shift and I have taken more action in engaging with the outside world again.

It's great that you have a good GP. Do you have other support in your life such as friends or family you see or talk to on the phone? Psychiatrist or other professional support? One thing that has helped me a lot is being accepted into a program run by a community health organisation that has provided me with a support worker since about October last year. The program is called Phams (Personal Helpers and Mentors) and has been especially helpful in breaking me out of my isolation and engaging me more with activities that have been both therapeutic and socially engaging. For me it has worked in a similar way to slow 'exposure therapy', with me basically deciding the pace of engagement I was able to manage at any given time. If you are interested, I suggested exploring the link above. The program is run all over Australia by different community groups.

You mention that recovery goes slowly for you and I relate to that. I sometimes think of it as extending my boundaries one small step at a time and continuing to keep expanding at my own pace. Sometimes things go backwards again for me but when this occurs I try to just keep starting again when I am able to. I find the more I do this, the better able I am overall to keep moving forward and improving on the steps I have taken previously.

I hope some of this has been useful to you. My diagnosis is different to yours (bipolar) but I recognise aspects of your story. Thanks for posting and glad to have you with us. Best wishes in your healing journey.

[1stepup61]

Thanks apple! Step-up:)

[1stepup61]

hi mazarita, thanks for your reply and advice. i will look in to the community service, thats helpful and its comforting to be understood by you, so thank you. All the best, Step up 🙂