Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[BrightSky]

Hi,

I'm so overwhelmed with everything at the moment.
Just quickly I've been married 7 years with him for 12 and we have 4 beautiful sons together between the ages of 8yrs & 16 months. I'm not quite 30 years old..

I'm a bit nervous that I'm about to blurt out with all I'm struggling with atm but here goes!

Firstly I've always wanted to be a Police officer!!!
We finished having our kids and I excitedly applied about 5 months ago. Unfortunately my application didn't even get accepted this time and I'm unable to re-apply until 2019! This crushed me. I'd understand if I didn't pass a test. But they also did not tell me why I was unsuccessful. I've literally never sobbed so much in my adult life. I feel like my dream was crushed and I went into depression mode for a few weeks. My husband was supportive at first and then pretty much told me to snap out of it. Which pissed me off.
I absolutely plan on re-applying when I'm able too.
The only thing that makes sense to me with the saying 'everything happens for a reason' is that my youngest will be in kindy when I can try again.

My husband used to work fifo and did so for the past 6 years, for the past 6 months he's started an apprenticeship in our small country town.
He's not happy, and doesn't want to complete it. That being said there isnt exactly much work where we live. This job allowed him to finally be home with his family and not leave us 3 weeks out of every month.

I hate seeing him unhappy. He has supported us and worked his ass off our whole 12 year relationship.
He's decided he wants to go to uni. Which is awesome. I support him whole heartedly. Slight problem we live over 2 hours away from any campus.

We're torn as we built our lovely home only 2 years ago. So the love of our town and our home is whats keeping us here. If we move back to the city we'de have to rent and who knows when we could own our own house again.
I'd like to stay until our eldest starts High School.
Should he suck it up and finish the apprenticeship as its a paying job. I also work night shift 2 nights a week. And enjoy what we have here for a few years longer? Or should we pack up, try find work elsewhere and rent with 4 kids.?

I'm so torn as there's pro's and con's to both.

I hope this doesnt seem petty because I am so grateful for what I have in my life.

It's putting a strain on our marriage, and im so short tempered with the kids and its not fair on them!

Stressed? Depressed?

I don't know.

Help please.

[NikNik]

Hi @BrightSky 🙂

Firstly, sorry to hear you didn't make the police force. Your experience is quite common and in fact I know someone who has had similar experiences with the fire service - no feedback or explanation. It just seems to be the way it works (which is not helpful, but I wanted to share that so you know it's unlikely to be about you and your abilities) It's great to hear you're not giving up though! It will make it all that much sweeter when you get in!

In terms of your husband - what sort of degree does he want to do? Could it be something he does via correspondence / distant education? There are many uni degrees you can do through online learning now (Open Universities Australia might be a good start).

I'm not surprised that it's put a strain on your marriage and patience with the kids - there's a lot up in the air at the moment and the strain is to be expected. 

While we can assist with making the decision for you - perhaps other members can suggest some ideas on how to manage the tough conversations and also some ideas for self care?

[Janna]

Hi @BrightSky and welcome to the forum!

It certainly has taken a lot of courage for you to offload your grievances. Speaking out in a public forum about personal issues and feelings takes courage and I commend you on doing this.   Whether we perceive your issues as being big or not is not important.  It's how you are perceiving them.  Clearly you are feeling stressed and unsure about your future path/goals.    You have a lot of things on your plate right now.  Raising 4 young boys is more than enough to keep your days full!!!  Although your application into the police force has been rejected, you need to look at the positives of this - as you have done.  Perhaps now is not the right time and 2019 may suit better for many reasons which I believe will become more evident as time moves on.

For now it's really important that you try and stay focused on what you have now, as opposed to focusing on the future.  Worrying about things that have not yet eventuated is a sure way of getting your head into a future forecasting spin.  Try to take each day as it comes and not worry too much about the future.  If your husand is accepted into uni, then I am sure things will work themselves out somehow.  My advice to you is to take a step back and just go with the flow.  I know that's easier said than done, but it is the only way to get through lifes challenges sometimes.  So for now try to focus on today, tomorrow and what you have coming up in the next week.  Please remember to take a little time out for yourself as well.  Having 4 young children wouldn't allow too much "me time", so if you can try to do something nice for yourself.

Janna❤️

[III]

Well we are all entitled to our views and opinions in a supporting manner, but I have the opinion you should go to where his school or work is, with the entire family included.
We live in difficult times whaer supporting a large family on a tight wage whilst holding onto a place that does not show immediate future benefits seems a little anti-productive.
Ironically even the police academies are located in the cities, you don't actually get a traineeship in a police station or anything. Generally this schooling is in the city and this also provides a lot of opportunity for you, especially with your 'sons' who likely want to attend all the sporting venues readily available in larger cities.

If you love your home so much maybe rent it out to others who you may already know and respect in your country community. Or sell it and move ahead with your and your partner's life with the hope of building even greener pastures elsewhere. I do agree that 4 young boys in a country town will likely be the ultimate pleasure for them, but as they grow to older teens guess what? Those 'apprenticeships' may be mostly located in the larger towns. So we are talking about ~12 years of bliss (and your unhappy husband) until things change and your children won't be the reason to stay any longer.

The decision should be made by the entire family to venture out of your comfort zone to create a better life, or to work hard at what you presently have. Boys make friends so quickly and with social media distant friendships are actually split seconds away. Plus they still get to visit and stay with their friends in the small country town I bet.

Your decision of course (with the family). But in my view the default option is to move and if not to then weigh up the reasons to stay against it. But hey just a personal point of view, the small town life may be all the happiness you have ever wanted and will ever have 😉

[Appleblossom]

If you are happy in your home, the reality of picking up 4 children is a lot of extra work.  I wouldnt push but though @Janna's go with the flow idea good.

I know someone who also was knocked back from the police force after 2 applications.  I think they get a lot of applications and it might simply be a numbers thing.  Is Community policing different ... and easier to get in to??

Your husband may grumble and still get something out of staying in your town  ... and if he wants study there are a lot of online campuses.

I sometimes think about moving from where I am ... and I toss up the pros and cons ... take each day at a time ... til things become clearer.  You definitely have your hands full ...

Take care

Apple