Lived Experience Forum

[Owlunar]

Aarrkkkk @utopia

Crikey - it's Monday morning and the 13th and all I want is to smoke in peace - eeekkkkk!!!!!!!

One would imagine you are in hospital to sort our the troubles in your life and they are stacking up there trying to have a few smokes - this is pure craziness

I remember when I smoked it settled my brain in some way and I could focus on the real problem at hand - goll-ee - your time and energy is being wasted with the battle of the smokes and W Anker - 

Can you smoke in the men's room? In any toilet - not your own of course - but then - they know you are getting edgy and they will track the smoke down I guess

This is purely stupid - you are doing your best to comply - not quit

I'm thinking of you mate - aw sheesh

Sending hugs

Dec

[Faith-and-Hope]

I would buy your book @utopia.  I know you’re angry, but you have a great entertaining writing style, and I am so glad you are spitting it all out here ..... jeez ..... so much crap to wade through, and it must feel like that to the staff half the time too .....

You just hang in there girl .... you’ve got a book to write now ..... ❤️

[Owlunar]

I agree with @Faith-and-Hope here @utopia

Spit it out here - you have to get it out somewhere and as pissed-off as you are it is still entertaining

I have to leave off in a minute but while I am out I will be looking at my phone to see how you are - can't reply with my phone - darn it - I think it's time for a new phone

I want to read your book too - I am really looking forward to it

But I am sorry they are so pedantic about it where you are

Dec

[utopia]

@Owlunar - The Cockie has a right to smoke!!!!!!!! Screech!!!!! Lol.

Had my meeting with the Manager about me not being able to wash my clothes. No one but one man knows how these self dispensing washing machines work. But nobody can find this man. We will call him MM for mystery man coz I don't know his name.

So The Manager looks up laundry matts un my area. One real posh one with coffee and a foosball table. - seriously.  But then I explain I have no leave. And he says, then why are you going out for smoko breaks. FARK! So I explain to TM the manager the full story. Oh he doesn't think that is right at all. I said, then eject me. He said what would you do if we sent you home now. I said I'd suicide. And he said if you're feeling suicidal then it's better that you're here. But because you are a risk for suicide - you shouldn't be getting any smoko leave. I said the agreement between my psychiatrist and i - being that we've gone from 5 courtyards (forgot about the detox garden before) & now we are down to one courtyard and you make us go outside in the dark, in inner Melbourne,  at night - often with me in my pj's and dressing gown on - that I will only come in if I get my smoko leave pass - just to stand in the one spot. And that if he'd read my file he would know how it is impossible for me to do it in Melbourne.  I'd have to be back near home.

So, 30 minutes later, nothing resolved, but he did thank me for my eloquent and kind contribution at the patient/staff meeting this morning.  Lol.

Oh. I finally ate a meal. Cottage Pie - yummo. Normally I get a banana for breaky. Sanga for lunch and a sanga fot dinner - coz the food is pigs slops.

[frog]

Eloquent is right @utopia definitely book worthy! When I read your posts it’s like a movie. Have you read postcards from the edge by Carrie Fisher? She was a great writer as well as actress. 

[utopia]

@frog - I'll have to borrow that book. I did love Carrie Fisher for her Mental Health Advocacy and for being such a strong woman. 

So I go up to my nurse Anker. He says you want a smoko pass? Yes please and I'd like a whole 30 minutes.

He writes up the slip and when he hands it to me Anker says, "when you come back from this leave you will only have 30 minutes leave left to last you til 8pm".

I tell Anker not ro worry because by then he will be handing over to the afternoon shift - so he won't have to put up with my temper outbreak.

Without missing a beat, Anker says "I'm doing a double shift. I'm your nurse til 10pm"

FARK. Not sure if it's to annoy the shite out of me or to punish himself.

Haven't seen my psychiatrist yet - so looks like I'll be slipping outside again - against the rules.

And one patient told me where I can smoke in the evening - in the building - without getting caught.

Game on Anker! 

[Zoe7]

ROFL @utopia I finally got home and sat down to catch up on posts here and have not been able to stop giggling the whole time - your posts are sooo funny - I know the situation itself is not funny (not even close) but the way you are describing your time there is providing us with pure entertainment. Maybe your book could be called "This Cocky Has a Right To Smoke" - it could be made into a musical as well - Anker and MM could be birds as well - Anker could be a Magpie ...one of those annoying birds that like to swoop in when you least exoect it lol

I hope Anker has packed his big boy pants 'cos methinks he is going to need them tonight to keep up with you ...I am kind of expecting tomorrow's news headlines to be "Cocky kicked out of hospital for Smoking" ...looking forward to the next chapter in this developing saga ...😀

[BlueBay]

@utopia I agree with @Zoe7 your posts are making me laugh so much. And I know it’s serious and I shouldn’t be laughing but the way you describe the situations I just can’t stop laughing to myself. 

Good luck tonight with Anker. !!! 

BB ❤️❤️

[Snowie]

@utopiawhilst you are doing the right thing and trying to help yourself by being in hospital, I like @Zoe7 @BlueBay and many others are following your posts with anticipation. Sometimes it is really a WTF moment, especially to those people who are meant to be in charge of our mental health and these estblishments.

I look forward to hearing what Anker says tonight and how he gets through with a little but wise cocky making him work for his money!

On a serious note, I do hope that you get some help whilst in there, and the light can shine a bit brighter on you 

[utopia]

Thanks everyone.  Abiut to run out of ph battery.

So I go to group called Into To Self Compassion.  Well I was a crying snotty mess from the start if the group til I left early.

Asked Anker for my tiny little piddly dose of calmer. No. I've had my allowance already.  I saud what - I haven't had any today. But as Anker liked to point out - I had 1 at 5'oclock yesterday after the no more smoking leave- had one at 10.30 with my sleeper and another when I woke up for the 4th time at 3am. So I'd used up my max 15mg. Can't have any til 5pm. 

I've run out of tissues in my pocket so my right sleeve is wiping my tears. My left sleeve is wiping my snot. Classy I know. 

Anker suggests I do some Sudoku ir coloring in to help calm dow. Seriously when I'm this distressed. FARK!!!

SO  I saud give me my final leave pass - I'm going to smoke my brains out.  He said but what if your psych doesn't come. I said he will. But either way I'm smokimg tonight regardless. 

Had 4 cigarettes in a row. Felt sick. But I'd be buggered if I'll tell Anker that.

I hand back my leave pass and who is there but my psych.  Anker rang him to come and see me.

Talk to my quack - he said yesterday he gave approval for an extended hr. I said, without your signature - it doesn't mean anything.  He said then what dud you do. I saud management aporoved 1 smoke. He said what about the rest of the time.

I said,  'will you keep it iut if my file? ' he saud yes. So I told him I snuck out twice. He replied "I didn't hear that". Then he said he has just approved 5 hrs daily leave - to be taken as smoko leave only until I feel safer and he agrees. 

More to folliw when battery charged