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12-09-2016 02:25 PM
12-09-2016 02:25 PM
Depression is threatening my marriage
I'm so glad to have found this forum. DH has depression and it's threatening our marriage.
3 years ago, when our daughter was 6 months old, he told me he didn't love me anymore and didn't know what to do with his life. He saw a GP, got medication, saw a psychologist regularly and was better for a couple of years... About 8 weeks ago he told me he didn't know how to be happy anymore, that he wasn't happy in our marriage and he thought it wasn't the depression talking - it was his unhappiness with me causing the depression. Naturally I was heartbroken (again) and I went to stay with my parents for the weekend. When I returned, he was remorseful and said he wanted to fix things. He has since seen a GP and is on the same medication again, however it has been much longer and he doesn't seem to be getting any better. When I ask if he still wants to fix us, he says he doesn't know, and he doesn't want to make any rash decisions while he's still so affected by the depression. He hardly speaks to me, won't initiate physical contact and sex is non-existent. He says I can't do anything to help, he needs to work it out on his own. I really want to keep hope, but some days there just doesn't seem to be a light ahead.
I just don't know what to do, and it's consuming me - I can't concentrate at work and it's so uncomfortable at home. Any advice will be desperately appreciated.
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12-09-2016 04:39 PM
12-09-2016 04:39 PM
Re: Depression is threatening my marriage
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15-09-2016 02:07 PM
15-09-2016 02:07 PM
Re: Depression is threatening my marriage
Hi @Soverytired
Depression can take the joy out of things that use to bring people joy. This includes relationships. I think your husband's decision to make any rash decisions while feeling depressed is wise, but this doesn't leave you on solid grounds. Its sounds very uncertain and stressful - having to wait and see until your husband can understand his feelings towards you.
As @pip pointed out, your DH is probably not feeling great about himself. There's often a lot of self-loathing that can along with depression. As cliche as it may sounds, it's hard to love someone else when you don't love yourself.
@Soverytired it seems like it's a bit of balance between your DH needs and your needs right now. You want to support your DH, but it's also very important to care for you to. Just as I mentioned above, loving yourself is also important for you too. It's important that you do what you need to do for yourself during this stressful period. If your DH is unable to provide with the support and affection that you need, it's ok to reach out to others.
You mentioned that you've been through a similar experience with your DH. Can I ask how you got through that? Was there anything that helped to get through that in the past?
CherryBomb
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20-09-2016 12:21 PM
20-09-2016 12:21 PM
Re: Depression is threatening my marriage
Heya @Soverytired,
*hugs*
I am sorry you are having a rough time of it with your husband and his mental health. It adds an extra level of challenge into every aspect of our lives.
Is your husband seeking help from a psychologist along with his medication? This is often SO helpful in assisting to figure out what is real feelings, and what is the depression.
Perhaps you could go along to sessions together and discuss his feelings and establish whether he is basing them on truth or situations he is "misinterpreting" (for want of a better word). it may help you both to communicate more openly and clearly with one another.
Physical intimacy of any kind, should only come from a safe space, and if your husband is feeling unsure and unsafe about the relationship, that is a good indicator there is work to be done in that area, whether on his part, or your part, or together! Also keep in mind anti-depressants are more often than not libido killers, so it could be meds related too.
Keep smiling when you can and remind him you love him in gentle ways, allow him the space he needs to work on himself, but let him know you are always there, willing to help, and to participate in that help where you can! Remind him he isnt alone.
xx
Tigs
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21-09-2016 07:16 AM
21-09-2016 07:16 AM
Re: Depression is threatening my marriage
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21-09-2016 08:11 AM
21-09-2016 08:11 AM
Re: Depression is threatening my marriage
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21-09-2016 07:46 PM
21-09-2016 07:46 PM
Re: Depression is threatening my marriage
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21-09-2016 08:35 PM
21-09-2016 08:35 PM
Re: Depression is threatening my marriage
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21-09-2016 09:41 PM
21-09-2016 09:41 PM
Re: Depression is threatening my marriage
turn around and we can work through this together..... You take care and thank you again for taking the time to chat. Hopefully next time I will also be stronger and happier! 🙂 Cheers
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21-09-2016 09:43 PM
21-09-2016 09:43 PM
Re: Depression is threatening my marriage
@Soverytired How are you going now? Have things picked up for you? Hope you are ok...