Lived Experience Forum

[Clearmindhelp]

Hi my name H, I'm 20 years old
I want tell you my story how I got depression
When I was 11-13 years old I went to a special needs school and I got bullied a lot I didnt care what they were saying but at the end my mum and my sister told me to stand up for myself so I did,
But what really happen how I got depression i was 14-15 years old, I had a boyfriend who I was In love with and it didn't end well by us breaking up over a stupid thing I didn't give up on him and I tried and tried to get him back then one day I gave up from the day I still think about it and sometimes I do wish it never happen
For a young age to be In love it happens
I had to many dramas in my life by having fights, getting into trouble, losing people in my life. I moved 1 hour away from where I grow up I missed all my friends I was 16 at the time for a yonug girl like me having no car nothing to go see my friends more then I did but when I turned 18 it changed I went down to Melbourne on weekends to go see my friends from then I lose my old school friends but I had one girl I was friends with from the day till now I'm best friends with her I met her sister and this other girl. But I couldn't really trust those two girls they use to met up with this person I didn't like this person that person wasn't good to me, that person use to say mean things to me, from me having depression and having a bad life. This year I got a boyfriend and I love him and we had stupid fights. Then It was little getting better in march it got worster every sec every min every week every month I lose a love one it was a guy who I was seeing last year the first guy I ever met when I moved I was 18-19 when I met him
The day he passed away I drove past his house and police were at his house at first I didn't want think it was him but when I got home and read all those messages about what happen it was him
It broke me so much I was crying and crying no stop I was crying for 2 weeks. Month later I got more depressed and angry, I got violent at my mum and dad they were scared when I got depressed and angry I run into the toilet people asks why the toilet it's got a lock on it that the only way I can be alone and no one can get me I got like this every 4-5 weeks or couple months, I get upset and angry sometimes because my parents are stressed from work and take it on me for no reason and it does hurt me when I try to be nice to everyone like them. Sometimes it's hard to explain what I'm going say and I can't finish it all my life I got left out and sat by myself at family friends events when I was 2-9 I was good friends with this girl and Others I grow up but now they don't talk to me and just leave me out, I'm a person who doesn't leave people out ever when I see a person a alone I go talk to them and bring them In the group. Yeh I got angry at times but I'm a nice and caring girl inside and out.
3 days a ago I lose my boyfriend over these two girls saying stuff it's not true to make him break up with me I'm not friends with those girls anymore after what they did I was so happy with him till now from the day from now I cry no stop by thinking what happen 5 years ago I have spoke to many people about this I'm seeing a lady and she little bit helping and my mum, my mum understands why I'm not giving up on this one I don't ever give up the people I love.

From my depression I hope this helps me to talk to people I don't even know out there and listen why they have depression and other problems in they life's.

Does anyone know good relaxing groups for people who have depression and angrier/violences

[Iris]

Hi @Clearmindhelp welcome to the forum

You sound sad when recounting your adolescence and the isolation you experienced though at times you also you were able to draw on inner strength support from your mother and sister. Support from other people can do wonders in helping us to respond to stressful situations as well ease some of the sadness of our past and at other times help us understand why we feel the way do in the present.

You have been through a lot of losses including your friendships and the sad passing of your boy friend and the accompanying emotions can be overwhelming at times leaving you depressed and angry. Though you said your mother is very supportive of you and you do have a lady you speak to as well.  The forum is a space for you to talk about and share what is happening for you as well as share information and find resources that might be helpful such as finding a group related helping people find a way to relax. 

[Clearmindhelp]

When I talk to people I don't know about my feelings I cry straightaway and I forgot to put in my story when I'm like that I go black I'm in a different world and I don't know what I'm doing.

Thank you for reading my story x means a lot x

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Clearmindhelp

I used to lock myself in the toilet too ... sadly it is not that unusual way to deal with stress in a house.

I also lost people young and suddenly.  Grief like that is really tough.

Hope the forum works for you

apple

[Clearmindhelp]

It only helps to lock yourself somewhere to no one can put more stress on you
It helps me a lot
I'm thinking of putting a lock on my bedroom door to relax and be alone

Hope it does to for you